New Years

Well this year has FINALLY come to a close. I really tried hard through this year to keep a positive frame of mind. And I kept getting kicked down. But like it always does, it turned around. I started off this year with a miscarriage, had financial troubles, pretty much an identity crisis and switched jobs. But I refuse to focus on that. I want to reflect on the good things.

Liam turned three this year. Three has been much better to us then two. Two was a very testing year. Now we seem to have hit our groove. Liam can articulate so well. He's a very pleasant happy child. Yes he has a tantrum like all three year old's do, but that's to be expected. Generally he is a wonderful child and I truly enjoy him.

I started out the year with some casual friends that have become very good friends and I'm lucky to have them all. It's amazing how the older you get you start to discover your true self and you surround yourself with people who reflect that.

The biggest thing that happened this year was just recently. I left my job at Medusa's after 6 1/2 years. It was by far the hardest decision I have ever had to make. I toiled over it. Lost sleep. Anxiety attack after anxiety attack. But it really needed to be done. I was craving a bigger salon feel. And with the general funk I was in with my life in general I needed something new and exciting to jump start my attitude. And boy did it work. Neil gave me so many great opportunities. Exposed me to a lot of things I may never have. Taught me a lot. I will always be thankful to him for all he did for me. And I do miss him.

Things at Element's are amazing. I have only been there a week and a half and I feel so comfortable it's like I've been there forever. The staff is so amazing. They are willing to break their backs to help you and make you feel welcome. They are being so patient with me since I don't really know where anything is or how the system is run. Molly (the owner) has gone above and beyond the call of duty. She brought in the full Wella color line. That makes the transition so much easier. She's constantly asking if anyone needs anything, and if you mention something that needs improvement she see's so it that it gets done. Just a wonderful woman. And I'm completely fortunate that the majority of my clients have followed me. I am so so lucky in the past 7 years to come in contact with an amazing clientelle. They are supportive and understanding and I thank everyone from the bottom of my heart.

The transition cannot come without a few hitches here and there. Scheduling differences, miscommunications etc. And I apologize for any glitches here and there that may come up. I'm trying very hard to stay on top of things while still being busy behind the chair. I'm overwhelmed at the support and positive reinforcement I've recieved.

Another great thing that happened this year is getting my health in order. I worked out with my personal trainer from February through September. I have taken a break these last three months because of the holidays and getting caught up, but I'm going back in January to start again.

I don't make new years resolutions, because I feel like if something needs changed you should change it then, not because it's January 1st. All I know is I'm going into 2012 with a clear head, a better attitude, an amazing family, supportive friends and the hope for an amazing year. I hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday <3

Martin Parsons is my new inspiration

I have always been super resistant to go to hairshows. I'm just not overly fond of big crowds of people. Not my thing. But Neil pretty much insisted we go to the Midwest Beauty Show (Fashion Focus) since they switched it from being held in Covington Ky to Indianapolis. I still was resistant, but I went. The first day was great. Tons of shopping, seeing as how every vendor in the industry was there. Tons of little shows that were in the showroom floor. We went to one class on Sunday. A Wella class, which is the product and color line we carry at the salon. Very nice styles, lovely color placements, good razoring techniques. The educators were funny and pleasant and the models were beautiful. Then Neil took Darcy and I to Ruth's Chris to dinner. Amazing food. So good and a marvelous experience.

Now Monday was the big one. I pretty much went just for the one class. Martin Parsons. Now I know that I say that name and it means nothing to most people, but in the industry he is known as THE updo/stying guy. My expectations walking in was to just learn some styles. Pick up a few tips. I had no idea that I would walk away with a total experience.

First of all, he was absolutely hilarious. I literally laughed through the entire seminar. He made funny faces, little quips, silly circumstances. Totally hit home to the frustrations of hairdressing. Obviously learned some amazing techniques. Turns out he is OCD like me!! He teases each section of hair 12 times. Every time. Amazing pinning techniques and different geometric shapes to make the hair look fuller. I can't go on enough about his techniques, but since you have no idea what I'm talking about I won't.

Now what I didn't see coming was his attention to detail, his positive outlook on clients and attitude. It was overwhelming and completely insightful. He talked about how as hairdressers we put too much emphasis on ourselves and our talents, instead of making our client look good and making their experience more enjoyable. It's about them. If not for them we wouldn't have a job. We need to make sure they are being taken care of and feel nurtured rather than stroking our own egos. Now I'm not big on patting myself on the back, but every stylist is guilty of this. But it was so refreshing to see someone who is so huge in this industry be so humble. Humble will get you so so so much further than a chip on your shoulder.

I walked away feeling so refreshed and rejuvinated. I could listen to him daily and I feel like a better stylist for being in that class.

And the beat goes on ...

Does anyone else feel like this summer has FLOWN BY!! I feel like it barely even happened? Why must the winter always go slow and the summer fly by? Oh well, still having a good summer. Things are going pretty well. Other than the inferno that's happening!! Can you believe this heat?!

Work is good. Up and down up and down. It's kind of inconsistent. Everyone goes on vacation in the summer so it's hit or miss. Still busy though. I just love doing hair. Sigh. I'm lucky to have fallen into this career.

Liam is three .... let me say that again ... LIAM ... IS ... THREE!! Can't get over that. I use to hear adults say all the time "It was just yesterday ..." But it's true!! You know what else is true? I'm an adult. Wow.

Workouts are going great. I'm starting to see and feel results. Motivated me that much more to do better. I'm always going to have some set backs with food but in general I'm making much better choices.

I feel like at this point in my life I'm going through a big learning process. Learning more about myself more than anything. I've learned that I'm pretty damn gullible which I hate to admit. I let people use me and walk on me, and most of the time I'm oblivious. I'm kind of at the beck and call of others. And I allow it. And I'm fastly learning who you can and cannot trust. Which is scary. People I thought I loved and trusted, turns out you can't. And then you think you know some people and you get a glimpse of their true colors. Definitely eye opening. I'm usually a pretty open person but I guess it's time to be a little more reserved. I don't want to put a wall up, but clearly some people can't be trusted. It's sad, but that's life. I will put my faith and efforts into people who reciprocate what I put into them.

In general life is going pretty damn well. Can't complain too much. :)

Update

Wow have I neglected my blog lately!! The ball that is rolling this year just keeps picking up momentum!! But hell at this point I don't care! Bad ... good ... indifferent ... I'm just rolling right along with it. Figured I would just give a general update of what's going on with me.

First things first, my son ... gulp ... turns 3 on Saturday. Sigh. It's amazing. What a journey. You know I realize that birthdays are a reflection period. I've been looking through picture of Liam what he was first born, and it makes my heart swell. Yes I know it's only been three years, but those emotions are still so real. I hope I never lose that flutter in my chest I get when I look at the picture that was first taken of him, just seconds after he was born. The memory of his first smile, his first step, giggle etc. Yes we have moments where he is so awful we could trade him to the gypsies for a while, but that's all part of the package. Being a parent isn't easy, but Josh and I adore this kid. I'm so proud to be his momma <3

Work is wonderful. I simply adore what I do. I never expected for my love of this industry to grow as the years went on. The more I learn, the more I research, the more I submerse myself into it, the more I fall in love with it. I am so incredibly lucky to have met some phenomenal people who have become great friends. Love love love it.

My workouts .... one word ... INTENSE!!! Let me just tell you, I look back at things I've written, how sore, how tired, burnt out, exhausted etc. None of that matters. I ... love ... working ... out!! I actually get pretty upset and feel very sluggish if I go more than a couple days without working out. And the more I work out the more conscious I'm becoming of what I eat. Yes I absolutely have my days where I hit the wall ... mainly around "that" time of the month. But I'm drinking a lot more water, cutting down on salt and sugars, portions are getting smaller, not eating out as much. Just better choices in general. Thus far I have lost 12 pounds, over 7% of my bmi and over 5 inches off my body. I'm still not where I want to be but I'm thrilled with the progress I've made. I started this journey because I wanted to look better ... I'm continuing it because I FEEL better. <3

Newness

Have you ever hit that point in your life where you felt like you've sat still for too long? That you've done the same thing over and over and it's just not working anymore? That's kind of how I've been feeling. Highly desiring something new and fresh. Just certain things. Not my whole life. I've started making small changes in my life, little things that I actually have control over. That's basically decided what my problem has been. Control. Or lack there of I should say. I have always been a control freak. When I don't get my way I tend to get over emotional. I take things personally, freak out, get pisses etc. And lately I've been trying very hard to remedy this. I've had to start changing little things. Like really considering things I say before I say them. Like it or not, once you say something you can't take it back. It's out there. Especially if you're writing it, like on here, facebook, email etc. So I've not been posting that much online. Just some pictures, the occasional Liam story, whatever. I try to only check facebook once or twice a day instead of every half hour like I use to. Basically I'm trying to limit my social media a little bit so I don't read into things wrong and let it rule my mood.

In other attempts to overcome my control issues, I've been trying new things. New foods, new workouts, reading new websites, stuff like that. Just trying to expose myself to fresh new things hoping it will spark some new interests. My trainer has been switching up my workouts which has really helped. I've been getting to the gym more often so I can really push myself on the elliptical. The harder I push myself the better I feel. I'm starting to feel the changes in my body, stamina, energy. It's wonderful. Feeling this I'm starting to become more health conscious about other things. Portion control is my big one. Don't put so much on your plate, then you won't feel like you have to eat it.

I'm starting to feel a change in myself, starting to feel better, more like myself again. I'm feeling that happy positive me again and it makes me crave for more. I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing and see where it takes me. All I know is I feel better than I have in a long time.

Bring it

Holy cow ... 2011 isn't letting up one bit! I think I've officially just learned to roll with it. Nothing bad really, just hoop after hoop to jump through.

I just got off of a week of vacation. It was wonderful and much needed. I piddled around, went to Indy to visit my friend Lori, to Bloomington to see our friends Jon and Amy and their new baby Alex, worked Girls Night Out with Samantha and basically did some fun things that I've been wanting to do. Hung out with friends, cleaned, slept, did nothing. It was awesome. It was nice to get a mental break, which is most of what my job demands. I love my job don't get me wrong and I'm very happy to be going back tomorrow, but it does get mentally exhausting sometimes. There are times when I just don't have any energy left at the end of the day. The negativity is sometimes very contagious. But I feel rested and revitalized.

We still have our ups and downs with Liam. Don't get me wrong he is a fabulous kid. Some of the things he says absolutely slay me. Very witty and funny. But wow can that boy have some mood swings. It's the 0-60 that bothers me. How you can be talking to him rationally and then bam he's screaming. Very odd. But on a positive note, potty training is finally going AWESOME!! He's only had 2 accidents in 8 days :) Happy happy joy joy!! I thought this day would never come. And OMG he will be 3 in 5 weeks. Blows ... my ... mind.

I feel like this is a year of self discovery. I have said that before, but it becomes more and more evident as the year rolls on. We are very close to being half way through the year and as I look back over the months I realize that I'm constantly being put to the test in almost all areas of my life. Whereas before it scared me, intimidated me, made me nervous, made me question myself. Now I'm becoming more at ease with it. It seems as though the more obstacles that are thrown my way, the more I find out about myself and I'm liking it.

I don't have to review all the things I've been through this year, I've named them before. Whereas each one of these things has sent me into some kind of break down, they have also made me take a good hard look at myself. I've had to figure out what I really want and what I have. Even though things don't always go my way, I'm very glad with the way things have gone.

I have some amazing people in my life. Each person plays a different role. Whether I see friends once a week or once a year, that doesn't diminish the weight of the friendship. I have friends that I mainly only talk to through texting and these friends are as important to me as the ones I see weekly. That's what helps pull me through.

So to the second half of 2011 I say ... BRING IT!! What hasn't killed me so far has only made me stronger.

The year of the Test

June 1st ... this year is flying by. This year has been one challenge after another. Right when I think, ok ... a lot has happened now it's going to level off ... something else gets thrown around. I have had constant struggles this year. Every month, something new. And I have tried desperately hard to keep my cool. Yes I have had my break downs, but I have picked myself back up and kept going. I have maintained my composure more than I ever have in my entire life. I've bottled stuff up, turned the other cheek, kept my cool and tried to keep the waters calm. And look how well that's worked out for me. I love it when people tell me how blunt I am and I "speak what's on my mind" if they only knew how much I held back.

This is not a bitch session. This is me laying it all out on the table. This is me finally standing up and saying the things that I need to say. So if you don't want to hear it, stop reading. I have decided that my mouth will be shut no more.

Most of the issues I'm having are caused by myself. Self inflicted. I can honestly admit that. I have been lazy about getting a hold of some of my friends. I can throw out a million excuses why ... work is busy (which is true) I have a busy toddler (which is true) I have projects I do outside of work (also true) I have a husband who works a horrible swing shift so I pull a lot of weight at home (true) I have a ton of friends and family who I try to keep up with (........true.........) but, like I said excuses. Yes ... I need to make more of an effort. Admittedly so. And having it brought to my attention that I haven't been is good. Sometimes you need a slap in the face to make you realize that you've been a dolt. Moving on.

The other thing that is my fault is I'm way to accessible. Facebook, twitter, phone whatever, I'm constantly in contact ... which most of the time is good, but can get to be a real pain the ass. Where work is concerned, I'm officially cutting off communication via phone and online. Part of my commission that gets taken out of my pay, is to pay the receptionist at work. I know people prefer to talk to me and I'm flattered, but the girls who work at Medusa's are paid to take calls and help clients too. From this moment on, that's just what will happen. Someone will text me in the middle of a work day asking about an appointment, I get busy and forget to text back and they get upset. Deservedly so, but case in point, that's what the receptionist is for. As to clear up confusion and save myself time and trouble, no more. Call the salon. Thank you.

Time. There is never enough of it. Never. And I know everyone has this problem. My schedule has changed at work and I'm still adjusting to it. I fill up my days off doing everything but what I should be doing. Some things I love. Having lunch with friends or family, running errands etc. But I end up doing "favors" for everyone and I'm left with absolutely no time to get anything else done. I never have time to myself. Spread ... to ... thin. Again, I have done this to myself, but every time I turn someone down I get "But I never get to see you" "But it's your day off" Sigh.

I am so incredibly blessed to have a lot of good friends who care about me and want to spend time with me. That I could never complain about. But omg there aren't enough hours for me to see everyone. Between my job, my kid, sleeping, eating, running errands and cleaning my house I try to find time to see all the people I care about. Family and several sets of friends. There is no balance. Someone is always left out, someone is always being second fiddle. Someone is always upset. What to do? If I spent two hours a week with every friend I have, I would never get anything else done.

I know some of my friends are reading this right now thinking "But you spend more time with _____ than you do me" Yes, I understand that. Like I explained in my first paragraph, I realize that I've been a lousy friend to some of my friends and overly giving to others. I go where life leads me. I cannot make everyone happy.

I'm having quite the year of testing. I started off my year with a surprise pregnancy, that ended in a surprise miscarriage. Liam getting the stomach flu, me getting the stomach flu, surviving the ice storm, my husband acquiring a horrible swing shift, major changes at work, coming to terms with my weight and actually doing something about it, making new friends, losing old friends, taking on a lot of extra projects, a toddler who has my free will, and more. Again ... excuses? Yes. But nonetheless my life is CRAZY! But you know what, I love my crazy life.

I'm more successful in my business now that I ever have been. I'm a great hair stylist. I don't usually say that out loud that often because I don't like to brag or boast. But dammit I'm allowed to say it sometimes. I work my ass off. I bend over backwards for my clients. My clients NEVER know when my life sucks. They never know when I'm cramping and bloated, tired and irritable. You know why? Because I value and cherish my job. So much so that sometimes I go home at the end of the day and I'm drained. But I love it. I love my husband and my son. They are the two most important men in my life and when I can spend time with them I do. I get the opportunity sometimes to do hair and makeup for The Roxy Studio and on occasion the Terre Haute Living Magazine. I help friends out on the side. I absolutely love spending time with my friends. I adore my family and thoroughly enjoy my time with them.

So what to do what to do. Bitch moan bitch moan bitch moan. I just can't do that anymore. I just can't. I can't please everyone. I want to be everything that everyone wants me to be. But you know what I am. ME. That's all I can be. I can't really make any apologies. I believe life takes you on paths and you follow the one that best fits you. I don't devalue any of my friendships or past endeavors. All I can do is embrace what journey my life is taking me on now.

I have had a lot of things brought to my attention, which is good, since I have been blind sided. I will work on mending my friendships with people. I will work on saying no more even if it makes people mad. I will work on keeping the lines of communication open. But in everything I do, I will remain true to myself, which I have strayed from. I am what I am. No apologies.

Uplifting

I've gotten pretty bad about remembering to write on my blog. Life has seriously been sooooo busy!! Life is zipping by these days! It's hard to realize which end is up. But I'm loving the crazy way life is taking me right now.

Liam: testing testing testing. That boy knows exactly what he is doing. Terrible two's are upon us, but Josh and I are tackling it in a different way these days. We are finding that if we calmly talk to him and just let him do his thing and have his fit that it's defused much quicker. He is still an amazing kid and to hear him talk and interact and make things up is absolutely amazing.

Josh: storm season is here which means it's the "where's waldo" season. As if Joshy doesn't work enough of a crazy mixed up schedule, he is on call 24 hours a day and they've exercised that right often. But I don't complain. He loves his job and he does it very well. He's enjoying riding his motorcycle more and I'm glad he will be able to given that gas is over $4. Driving too and from Plainfield will be easier if he can take the bike every once in a while.

Work. BUSY ... BUSY .. B U S Y!! Since Amy left things sky rocketed. I was busy before with just my clients, but taking on Amy and sometimes Neils overflow can just get down right nuts!! But I remember right after I graduated beauty school and I was excited to just have one client a day. Now I'm fitting clients inside other appointments, staying late, coming in early. Just nuts. But I do love it. I'm so lucky that I love my job and the more I work the more confident I get, the better work I do, the happier my clients are! Win win!!

Friends: Wow, are we amazingly blessed with the friends we have. The Allen's are happily expecting their second (and last) baby. We are thrilled. It's going to be a huge change since our families live so synonymously. But they want this badly and we are so glad that we will be there with them on this journey. :) I am so excited that I have a growing friendship with Samantha (from the Roxy Studio) I love to surround myself with people who are talented, motivated and positive. This woman is the definition of all these things. We are hanging out more and more and when we get together I feel like she has pushed and motivated me. She has taken pictures of me and my family and I wouldn't trust anyone else to do so. I almost wish Josh and I could have another wedding just so she could do the pictures :) Jimmy and I still hang out a talk a lot even though we don't work together anymore. He is so awesome. He is one of those friends you know you can call in the middle of the night and he will be there for you. He and I are planning a trip next fall to Florida to celebrate turning 30, which we both will turn within two months of each other ... NEXT year. lol. Nikki is awesome. Her kids are beautiful. I can't believe that Gabe is almost 5 months old! How time flies. It's suppose to be our 10 year high school reunion this summer. I couldn't care less to go really. The fact that, if no one else, I still keep in contact with her is enough for me :)

As for everyone and everything else things are great. I'm still working out with my trainer. I had about 2-3 weeks there where I completely fell off the wagon, but I'm back on now and more motivated than ever!! The more I go work out the better I feel! I can honestly say I'm hooked on working out! I'm looking forward to this summer. I love meeting up with friends at the park, Like Ellie and Hadley, the Allens, whoever!! I have some amazing people in my life and I'm thrilled to take this journey with them!!

Warp speed!!

Holy crap!! I know I wrote about this earlier but man have I been B U S Y!! It's wonderful really. I'm don't wan to complain. But damn!! Tomorrow is a JAM PACKED day. I'm doing a wedding party and I'm starting an hour earlier than most days. Then three more clients after that one jammed into the other. I think about where I was six years ago and it amazes me how far I've come.

I consider myself very dedicated to my job. I study, research, learn from mistakes, learn other techniques, update myself, change my views. I know I still have things to learn. In this industry you always do. But there are something that I struggle to learn. I have not yet figured out how to accept certain things. When a client leaves and goes somewhere else, I hate that a part of me feels hurt. I have always said and I truly always believe that I'm not everyones taste. I'm not perfect in any way, shape or form. But I sit back and wonder ... more so drive myself crazy, trying to figure out what I did to make them want to leave. Was it my personality? Was it the way I did their hair? Was it the actual salon they didn't like? What? I should just let it go. Accept it and move on, but a part of me can't. When I see a former client out and about I almost want to say, "What gives?" Now don't get me wrong, I never would. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. But a part of me really wants to know. Mainly because if I did something or said something wrong I want to fix it. Did I say something offensive? Did I truly jack up their hair? Is it even me? It's the wondering that makes me crazy.

Now to counter that, I have MANY MANY wonderful amazing clients who are highly dedicated and come to me faithful. I am in no way under playing what these clients mean to me. I cannot express in words how I feel about these people. It's not about the money, although I am happy that I have a job I love that pays the bills. It's about the fact that I have made some amazing connections with people in my time doing hair. I have seem women change the way they see themselves. People open up about things they never would. And I've grown too. This job has allowed me to express myself and grow my confidence in not only my abilities, but myself as well. I'm so happy that I get to do this every day :)

Wowwy wow wow

Holy crap am I BUSY!!! As I said before Amy is gone now at work. It's just Neil and I. We are so so busy. Yes this is a very good thing and I don't want to sound ungrateful, but it's a hard balance. It's hard to keep everyone happy. There are the clients who book their appointments way in advance and get everything set. Then there are the clients that wait until the last minute to get in. Either way, if I have the space open on my book it's all yours. The hard thing is that I've always been able to squeeze people in, and yes occasionally I still can. But for the most part my clients have got to start booking their appointments in advance if they are specific about when they want to get in.

The work outs are going well. Chad KILLED me this past Monday, which is good but it's almost three days later and my calves are still on fire!! I got on the treadmill tonight to work them out a little more and that helped. Of course it hasn't stopped me from wearing my heels. I mean come on! But I'm thinking of caving in and taking a zumba class at the fitness center. I miss dancing so much and I know at 28 there is nothing I can do with dancing so zumba just seems like fun. I do dance kinect at home and that's great but I need to DANCE. I wish there were places to dance in Terre Haute besides the Bally. But alas there is not. I have thought about making a trip to Indy with my friend Lori to the Vogue simply so I can dance. I'm one of the few women who like to go out to dance not to get attention but to simply cut lose!!!

Liam seems to be leveling out a little on his tantrums (knock on wood) I understand he is two and he is going to be moody. Totally understandable but sometimes he is down right hateful! But they don't know how to vocalize frustration so they just scream instead. The night terrors appear to be somewhat dwindling. We had three nights of uninterrupted sleep and that was glorious. Here is hoping.

I'm so completely elated that spring is in full effect. The sunshine is much needed and I'm thoroughly enjoying it. I want to be outside every day. I love taking Liam to the park and breathing in the fresh air. Josh is enjoying having his motorcycle out again. He loves it. I always feel like it's a new beginning.

Catching Up

Hello all. Things are going pretty well for the Andreas family right now. Josh is still trying to adjust to his new schedule at work. The overnight shifts are particularly tough on him, as well as us. Liam doesn't like going to bed without giving daddy goodnight kisses. But it's a good step in the right direction with his job. Liam is still waking up in the middle of the night crying. I think this is the hardest thing we have ever dealt with. He usually doesn't give us any trouble outside of typical two year old stuff. But this waking up four or five times a night is really getting old. I know it's (hopefully) a phase and we will look back on this and think it was no big deal, but it's so frustrating. I get so upset because I know if he could get a full nights sleep that he would feel so much better and be in a better mood throughout the day. Some nights he will only get up once around an hour after he goes to bed and he is in such a good mood the next day. But most nights he's up at least four three times and he's grumpy the next morning. Sigh ... this too shall pass.

Work is sooooo busy!!! Amy is gone and now it's just Neil and I. It's hard trying to accommodate all of your own clients and taking on Amy's clients. I have better luck getting clients in during the day but most people work during the day. It's hard to convince people that they should book their next four or five appointments but really it's for their own benefit. I'm not in a position anymore to squeeze people in here and there. As much as I would love to, what's there is what's there. I have a very hard time saying no, but I'm learning that I have to.

I'm starting to get spring cleaning fever really bad. I going to try to pick a project a week to work on. Go through the house room by room, really clean, organize and de-clutter everything. I desperately want to repaint Liam's room, the bathroom and our back living room. I hope by the time my vacation comes up in June I can save up enough to paint them and get some other accessories. All I can say is yay for yard sale season :)

I'm having my makeup and hair parties at the beginning of May and I'm really looking forward to them :) I'm excited to having some of my clients over and teach them new things. But I generally just like throwing a party. I am trying to put a small menu together and drinks but mainly I have to get my house organized. I hope everyone that's coming will have a great time!

Escape

This weekend my best friend Amy and I are going to Indy to have a girls weekend. No husbands, no kids, no agenda and it couldn't come at a better time. No nothing is tragically wrong, but I just really need to get away. With Liam being in the midst of the night terrors, whining fits and temper tantrums I need some adult time to where I can get away and worry about nothing for two days.

On an unrelated note, I'm evaluating how I deal with certain situations and people. I'm really starting to question my approach in certain ways. With Liam going through this weird transition I find myself getting very frustrated. Sometimes I really just want to scream (I don't by the way) but that's the feeling I get and I hate it. I know every parent gets irritated with their kids or moreso their behaviors. I know it shall pass blah blah blah but I hate the affect it has on my mood. And adults can do the same thing. I feel like I ALWAYS have to watch what I say. I know with my job that's expected but damn. Sometimes you can so easily offend someone, or say something and they interpret it the wrong way. Which is why I NEVER talk religion and politics. Too much of a grey area. And I'm ok with that. I've lost friends but they "don't know how to take me" Well I've always thought of myself as a pretty straight forward person. I use to be a lot more blunt than I am, but I was constantly being scolded for how 'harsh' or 'mean' I was. I just think most people can't handle hearing the truth. I'm the kind of person to where I like to deal with an issue right when it happens. I think most people hang on to stuff for way too long and it builds until you flat out don't like someone because of something they said or did that may not even have been meant that way.

How do you train yourself to not be so emotional? Half the time when I say or do something that rub people the wrong way is because I care so much about it or I'm confused by it. Sometimes I care way too much about people and what they think. It's funny because if someone doesn't like me for a reason that I feel like is justified I really couldn't care less, but if someone doesn't like me because of something that isn't so, it really honks me off. My mom has always said I have a big heart and I completely wear it on my sleeve. True. And I have no issues with this. I would rather lay all my feelings out there than hide them. But I just can't figure out how to turn them down.

I guess when it comes right down to it, this is me and that's it. I don't like changing FOR people, but I do feel like relationships are give and take, compromise. And if I'm constantly bothering people by my overwhelming emotion, maybe it deserves a closer analysis. What are your thoughts?

Make-up and Hair

So as most of you know I'm incredibly dedicated to what I do. I'm so extremely lucky to have found my passion in life and even luckier that I've had pretty good success doing it. It's funny how at first when I got into this industry I had to do anything and everything to build up my book. Now that I'm over 6 years in I'm in a position where I have a little more say in what I do. And I like that.

I have never made a secret that my main passion with hair is styling and all that it entails. Weddings, proms, parties whatever. In doing hair for these type of events, or just playing around on a regular day, I hear more and more clients saying "I wish I knew some tricks to do my hair/make-up like you" ... LIGHT BULB!!! So it hit me. Why can't I teach my clients/friends some tricks to helping them out!! I've always told my clients ... my goal in doing hair/make-up is to give you something that YOU can do on a daily basis. I'm all about staying inside peoples comfort zone. So here is what I'm going to do ...

I'm going to have two make-up parties and two hair parties at my house. No more than 10 people per party (so everyone can get some individual attention) With the make-up party I will teach everyone about their facial features and color, what colors to use and not use, application techniques, and recommend some products. At the hair party I will be teaching about products to use, tools to use, how to use bobby pins, and three different styling looks. At each party I will give everyone written instructions and a small goody bag. Plus I will have snacks, wine and other drinks. It will be $20 per person per class. I'm asking people who are seriously interested to write me either on facebook or email me at dannarhea@yahoo.com so I can get an accurate head count. I would like to hold these classes on a Sunday afternoon or a Saturday evening. Please let me know your preference. Once I get everyone opinion I will release dates on the classes. Most likely the end of April/beginning of May.

I would love to do these parties, not only because I love throwing a party, but because I love to educate people on what I do. I would appreciate any questions, feedback or suggestions you all might have. I look forward to hearing from you all!!

Bluh ... Bleck ... Blah

This evening I have had a case of the blahs. I hate nights like that. I have just felt off. I know every day can't be a good day.

First of all Liam is being ... two. I know it's a phase ... I know it's his age ... I know this too shall pass. But dammit while you're in the midst of it, it's down right miserable. It would be fine if we got a break, but he is pretty relentless. He has his small shining moments. A smile and giggle here and there, but he is testing testing testing. Again, I know that's his age. I know in a few months I will laugh about this, but I'm not now. I'm trying a different approach. I'm trying to be more calm about my approach with him. I'm trying to let go of the little things and keep structure with the big things. I will not tolerate him smacking me or screaming at the top of his lungs. One of the things that gets me the most upset is the "nnnnnoooooooo" with whining to follow. Hopefully this really is just a phase and will be over soon. Sigh.

The other issue I've had this evening is my stomach is so upset. We met friends for dinner and I ordered fish and chips. Fried of course and I know that why I feel like crap. I'm so over it. I keep telling myself that I still deserve to have certain foods. And there are a few that despite how fattening it is I will still eat from time to time, but in general I'm so done. Eating out in general ... done. I don't have an issue with running to Baesler's on my lunch and getting the salad bar. But Wendy's, McDonald's, Taco Bell ... done done done. I'm killing myself at the gym and with my trainer and it's like it's going to waist. I have made a lot of changes in my diet, but I need to shift it into overdrive. I think part of the reason I feel so bad is because I've been eating better and now it's like my stomach can't handle the fried food. I've been choosing baked potatoes over fries and grilled over fried chicken, but it's time to get rid of it!! Let it be gone!!

I wear a bracelet that my friend Anne got me that says POSITIVITY on it and I love to wear it daily to remind me of just that. It really is a state of mind. And much like my blog last night about Pay It Forward it's a way of life. I try to remember that when dealing with Liam's tantrums and dealing with my weakness with food. I have so many amazing people backing me up and encouraging me. People who follow what I write, clients who care for me, family who never let me down, friends who are always beside me and that's what pulls me through. I'm feeling better already :)

Influence

Does anyone else find that when you watch certain movies, your influence on things can be altered? Not to say I'm going to watch a show on meth and start doing it. Last night for about the fifth time I watched "Pay It Forward" Each time I watch that movie I pick up a different aspect of it's influence or meaning. I walk away with a different feeling every time. After watching it this time I felt completely different about it. Of course the obvious meaning is to do good things for people and it can start a spiral effect. But this time I walked away with feelings about how things that happen to you as a child can greatly effect how the rest of your life pans out.

It's something I have struggled with for a long time. Josh has a difficult past. I won't go into it but it's something I know he struggles with daily. I think it's something that has built a slight wall between us for years. Not in an overly bad way it's just something that we will always struggle to see eye to eye on.

He comes from a past that makes him question things and people because he was always let down. I come from a past that I always had people there for me. If I was let down it's because I let someone else down. It's something I simply can't relate to. I remember saying to him several time "What's in the past is in the past, just let it go" But it's not that simple.

I, like everyone else in the world, of course had bad things happen to me, but in hindsight I realize that everything that went wrong was essentially cause and effect. We are responsible for our own decisions. We can't expect anything to change unless we make it. But it can leave scars. So how do you deal? Or how do you deal with someone who has those scars. I can recall three bad things happening to me in my life. (Yes more than three things have happened but there are three big ones that pop into my head that had a big effect on me) Each one of those three things was caused by something that I in some way did. Yes other people may have added to the stress or drama of that situation but it's because of the choices I made that lead me to it.

I learned from these mistakes, and yes I will continue to learn from poor choices that I make. But how much is choosing to let go and how much is the past not letting you let go? One of lifes little questions. I will never, thankfully, understand what it's like to have a horrible childhood. I was raised with wonderful parents and friends. I never went without or was abused. And now because of that I will make sure Liam never will either. I don't pity people who have bad pasts. I believe that the paths we take in life lead us to where we are today. Everything happens for a reason. Just an observation.

Where motivation spawns

I am quite convinced that I will be one of those people that will falter on keeping motivation when it comes to my diet. But I'm very happy that I've hit a point where I am highly motivated. I think the trick I have found is actually trick my mind. I have always suffered from anxiety and panic attacks and whereas I have learned to control them over the years, I have realized that my mind has a huge affect on how I react to things.

I've learned that if I keep telling myself over and over that soda is horrible, fried foods, things with high sodium, things high in sugar. That if I eat these things I will get sick then I tend to avoid them. I have started reading up a lot on ingredients ... or just reading labels in general. Something I have never done. Something that has really started to help me is reading the serving size on things. I would just eat. Not pay attention to just how much I was suppose to be eating. I ordered some girl scout cookies off a client and when I read the label I realized the serving size was 2 .... two cookies. Really? So that's all I ate. Another thing that works is eating slower and drinking water throughout the meal really helps. Usually I eat so fast my body can't catch up to tell me it's full.

I'm so lucky that I have a funnel of different things and people who feed into my motivation. Sometimes without people knowing they are helping, they do. In my journey to positivity I have discovered something that is pivotal to aiding people is being complimentary. I think people (myself included) are too judgemental. We are so quick to pick out people flaws that we don't pay attention to their attributes. I know I'm often taken as a kiss ass, but really I just point out to people what's right in front of their faces. I have the pleasure of being in the company of some amazing people. And to have even a little of that reciprocated makes a huge difference. When a client writes or calls me and says they love their hair they have no idea what that means to me. I'm passionate about what I do and I'm glad others appreciate it. I have friends who vocalize their feelings, family members, my husband all these people who don't let me get down. And I'm forever thankful.

It's a hard balance I'm trying to get in this journey. To try to make my time divide between so many people and still have time for myself is hard. I was lucky enough today to have the entire day off. Josh worked, Liam was at day care. Don't get me wrong, I love to spend time with my boys but I do need my alone time. The only thing I really did today was have my training session with Chad. I took a shower, watched movies, danced around to music in my living room, sat in silence for a while, took a drive. It was wonderful and I feel rejuvinated. So tomorrow I believe after I take Liam to day care, I'm going to go on a walk around Collet Park since I will be right there. Weather permitting. If not I will go back to the gym.

Things are going great right now and I really hoping this motivation keeps pouring in. I would love to be down to a 12 by this summer and hopefully a 10 by this fall. Chad thinks it's totally attainable if I can control my calories and carb intake. Portion control portion control portion control. I can do this!!!!!!

Catching Up

Hello all! Yes it has been a while since I've updated my blog. I kinda forgot about it honestly. Things are finally moving in a good direction. Starting to get stuff in order and it seems like our bad streak is (knock extremely hard on wood) coming to a close. I'm just trying to optimistic that all that bad stuff was meant to happen for a reason and that there is a lesson learned.

Work has been great. With the exception of a few slow days I've been packed! Which is wonderful. In two weeks I start my new schedule and I'm a little nervous but excited about it. Now I will be working Tuesday 12-8 Wednesday 9-4 Thursday 9-5 Friday 9-4 and Saturday 9-2. It's better because I get to spend more time with Liam and I don't have to worry about an evening babysitter. Just Tuesday nights and we have had friends and family offer to help :) We are very lucky for that.

Josh is trying to adjust to his new schedule. The overnights are pretty hard for him. Not only because it's a jacked up sleep schedule but he basically doesn't see Liam for those days and we have minimal time together. But it's a huge stepping stone to get to where he wants to be in the company and I'm proud of him for all the hard work he puts in.

My workouts are going great. I have totally fallen off my diet a couple times but not my workouts. I remember making fun of people for being gym addicts yet I've totally become one. If I could go every day I would. I just feel better when I go. And I'm starting to catch my eating motivation up with my work out motivation. But I said from the beginning, I have to get my workouts in order before I can change my food habit's and I'm starting to feel the effects of it. I'm noticing that I'm not eating as big of portions and drinking a ton of water. I really want to hit my goal of 40 pounds gone by the end of the year and I know I have it in me to do it.

I'm continuing to embrace a more positive attitude. Oh yes I totally have my days. Doesn't everyone? But in general I'm feeling much better about .... life! Finally!! :)

Back to reality

Wow have I really let myself go! It started last weekend, we had dinner with friends and I fell off my diet and then that started the ball rolling until today I made it come to a screeching halt. This is always what happens. I start to lose weight and see some results so I "reward" myself with a bad meal ... that leads to the next, that leads to the next, that leads to the next. Well it stops now!!! I'm definitely getting back on track now!! I want to be able to confidently walk around in a bathing suit this summer!!

I had a session with the amazingly talented Samantha from the Roxy Studio this week. It was much needed. I highly recommend this to women not only because Samantha is my friend and I fully support her amazing business, but she has a way of making people feel beautiful. She is so bubbly and happy. She is wonderfully talented at angles and lighting. She will tell you to hold your head this way, move your arm here, hold your leg up and look a certain way. You feel like you're in a pretzel but OMG does it turn out AMAZING!! She knows ... she just knows. I'm a big girl ... yes I'm working on it ... but a size 14 as of now ... and after I do pictures with her I feel trim and sexy and confident. How in the hell does she do that!! I don't care how much it is, or how uncomfortable you think you may feel, I think it would benefit every woman out there to do this.

I recently did some soul searching and removed some people from facebook ... I know facebook is not the be all end all, but it does connect a lot of people and I'm thankful for that. But I have realized I had some toxic people in my life, and I never removed them because I thought they would be hurt that I removed them. But then I realized that the reasons why I wanted to remove them was because these people don't add any value to my life, so why would I give it a thought to if THEY were upset if I removed them? I don't hate these people, I just don't feel the need to share my stories and photos with them. I no longer feel the need to explain myself or my reasoning for doing things. I'm perfectly content with my choices. I'm not married to my friends. I don't owe any one a reason for why I do the things I do. Even though I'm pretty straight forward and say what I mean. Some people have made me try to feel guilty for choices I've made or things I've said. Nope ... no more. If you have an issue with me or my choices ... press on. I'm not trying to be bitchy, but I don't desire anyones approval. My family is happy and those are the only people whose approval I desire.

I'm getting to be in a great place right now and I'm relishing in it. There will be days where I'm down and out and that's ok, I will go with it. But the days of my so called "friends" questioning me are D O N E.

Hope is alive

I've made no secret that this year has kept me on my toes. Emotional ups and downs. More downs than ups. I let myself fall to pieces a couple times. I've cried myself to sleep. I've let myself think that life just about sucks. And then something so small can happen that completely turns you around. Sometimes it's as simple as reading a book that brings you comfort. Listen to a certain song, a smell that brings you back to a childhood memory, a laugh, a smile. These little things start happening and it starts the ball rolling back in the right direction.

My roll into a better mind set started when I signed up at the gym. I've never been the gym kind of person, but since I've been doing it I've been so much happier. Whenever I go a couple days without working out I feel sluggish. I'm getting healthier and feeling better. Then we made some important life decisions that have put some stresses we did have waaaaaaaay on the back burner.

When I look at the overview of my life I'm pretty damn lucky. I have a great supportive husband, a fantastic son, a loving family and the best friends you could ever ask for. I have a job that I love, hobbies that make me feel so satisfied and I have more confidence in the things I do than ever before. When you focus on the bigger picture it makes the smaller things easier to deal with.

Today a friend brought by a small but wonderful gift to me. It's a black bracelet with a silver plate on it that says "positivity" It's amazing how something so small and so simple can have such a powerful message. But it's not just what it says. It's the message that there are still great people out there. It's not about the money, it's about the thought. She cared enough to think of me when she saw this and gave it to me for no other reason than to spread the word. What an amazing gift.

It's allowed me to renew my hope in people. That there are still great people out there who care enough to take the time to think of others. I have tried to think positive things more often. It is amazing how being negative can pull you down. I've been working towards eliminating the negative people in my life. Not out of hate or spite, I've just hit a point where I don't need that around me and my family. Things are looking up.

Analyzation

This morning I woke up and dropped Liam off at day care before 9. I don't have to be at work until noon on Tuesdays so I took advantage of my time and went to work out for 45 minutes ... even though Chad killed me yesterday in our session. But hey, that's his job. Now I'm sitting at Starbucks with my computer and a yummy cup of coffee, looking outside at the flurries (ick) and listening to music. And I feel absolutely fantastic.

I wrote a blog a couple weeks ago talking about how horrible and stressful life has been. I completely embrace my feelings. If I'm feeling down then I have to allow myself to work through it because obviously there is a reason I feel that way. So I allowed myself to be depressed, eat whatever I wanted, be bitchy and grumpy. And then things started to turn around. Liam is in a new day care, which allows me to have some MUCH NEEDED alone time. I know there are people out there who love spending 24 hours a day with their kids. Kudos to them but I'm not one of them. I adore my son. I think he is the greatest human being ever put on this earth, but I was a person before he was born and I need to embrace that too. I was a daughter, friend, wife, hairstylist and independent woman before I had Liam and I can't ignore that. I never desired that much alone time before he was born ... because I had it!!

Where as I thoroughly enjoy all the time I spend with Liam, yes even when he is being a butt head, I need the time to detox my mind. Even if it's only an hour a day where I'm not with him and not at work that's perfect. But another great benefit to this, is that I'm given the opportunity to go work out. Now I will throw myself under the bus and say that I use to make fun of people who worked out, told them they were morons for having personal trainers and that I embraced my size. Well here it is. I love going to the gym, I didn't realize how much I was doing wrong before Chad taught me the right way, and even though I am totally fine with being curvy and being a bigger girl, I love the fact that I can start to see results from my hard work.

I'm getting to be in a great mental place again and it is just in time before I had a true breakdown. Do you ever have an identity crisis? One of those "be careful what you wish for you just might get it" deals? Well it hit me. Everything. I am everything for everybody. And I put enormous pressure on myself. No one else does it to me. I have gone through so many waves in my life. I don't know that I will ever find balance, but today, right now, I feel better than I have in years. I use to be a wallflower. Let people walk on me and go back for more. Then I became a stone cold bitch. Again ... no balance. Now I feel myself finding a happy medium. I still love to do things for people, but I'm learning when and where to say no and back off. Sometimes I really stretch myself thin. And if I do it too much then I'm going to let the bigger aspects of my life fall apart. I start to snap at Liam and Josh, I start to resent people and situations. And I just flat out don't want to be that way.

I will always be the kind of person who will lay their feelings out there. I like the fact that everyone knows where they stand with me. I don't like to beat around the bush. But I'm learning that I need to change my tone sometimes. That I need to plan out what I say before I say it so I can deliver myself in a more approachable way. This is the lesson I'm still learning and probably will always have to work on.

Yes I'm rambling but hey, it's my blog, I guess if you get tired of reading you will stop ...

I have no idea what the future holds for me and for the first time I'm kind of okay with that. I always have a short term goal, one year goal and five year goal which I always will. However I'm learning to take each day and see what it brings me before I plan the next. Emotionally anyway. What I do know is that I have the life that I asked for. And even though some days it stresses me out I wouldn't change it. This year Josh and I will be together 10 year, Liam will turn three, I will be at Medusa's for 6 years and I have the greatest friends I have ever known. If I start paying more attentions to the big factors of my life maybe the little things wouldn't bug me so much.

Sometimes I get so bent out of shape that I always have to clean the house, run Liam around, pay the bills and whatnot ... but that's just life isn't it? Kids make messes, bills need to be paid, I have a healthy active kid. I look at people that have much worse situations than mine and I think I'm a damn fool for feeling so sorry for myself sometimes.

I believe we all have a destiny. That life is full of choices and WE have to make them. We are put in situations because we are meant to be there and learn from them. That's how I try to cope with life. I find the more I get my own life in order the better I am at taking care of the rest of the things in life I need to keep in order. So for now, in this moment, life is good ... and I'm embracing it!!!

It's been a while

Hello dear friends. I haven't really blogged in a while. I guess it's time for an update. Things are really changing around the Andreas household!! As you may know over a month ago I started at Union Hospitals Fitness Center and I'm LOVING it!!! I'm starting to see some little results but ultimately I just feel better! I hav NEVER felt this rejuvinated!! I'm so determined to get this weight off and keep it off. Not just because I want to look better, but because I want to live my life better. I'm very glad I made the decision to get a personal trainer. I realized I don't push myself nearly hard enough. Even when I go to the gym by myself I don't, but I at least I know what to do and how to do it. But Chad is wonderful. He pushes me hard but doesn't take me to the point where I feel like I'm going to throw up and and die.

Our long time babysitter, Tracy, isn't watching Liam anymore. It was hard to hear and switch but that's just how the timing worked. She wanted to be a stay at home mom who watched kids but because of the economy she had to go back into the work force. So we got Liam into Treehouse Day Care. And we LOVE it!! We never put him into a big facility because of our work schedules ... not that they are any better now, but we have great friends who are willing to help us out. My schedule is changing at work to where I only have to work one evening a week which financially is scary but it has to be done. I'm hoping my clients will understand that the only reason I'm eliminating my other evening is so I can be with Liam more in the evenings. It will be odd to have Mondays to myself again, but I admit I will love having the time to get some cleaning and errands done. Plus some alone time never hurt anybody.

Work is good but a big rollercoaster!! My best friend Jimmy left, right around the time Amy is set to come back from medical leave. Laken took a promotion at her other job so now we need a new receptionist. It's funny, it's been over a year since we moved to this smaller salon and I'm still not use to this "small Medusa's" I started working at Medusa's when I was 16. It was my first job and I loved it. It's what shoved me into doing hair. I always loved it, but seeing it every day made me have passion for it. And I'm eternally grateful. But the dynamic is totally different. To go from 8 stylists and three receptionist in a spa salon down to 2 stylists that just do hair in a 900 sq ft building is a hard switch. But we digress. Neil and I are very driven motivated stylists. Amy is coming back but who knows for how long. She is in school at IVYTech and when she graduates she will be making a career change. Things are just now getting interesting.

Josh is doing great at work and I'm very proud of him. He is such a hard worker. Now that his hours have changed we are trying to adjust to his new schedule. And we will, just like we did before. In April he will be at Duke for four years. It's a great company to work for even with his schedule. It provides well for our family.

2011 has not been good to us but we refuse to be knocked down. With every down that comes our way there is an up. I will not be derailed. I'm determined to be positive and find a learning experience in each of our endeavors. But I do feel we are on an up swing. I'm in a great mental place right now after I allowed myself a few weeks ago to break down. Now I feel renewed!

Defeated

I'm going to write out my frustrations and then I'm going to leave it alone and change my mind set. I will be the positive person that I strive to be, but before that I have to get this out ...

Do you have those days when you feel completely and utterly defeated? Like no matter how hard you try you just can't win? I don't have these days often. I believe we control how we deal with situations. We can make it a lesson learned or we can let it kick us down. But for now, right this minute, I feel completely defeated. It's the first week of February and I feel like this is the worst year I have had since I can remember.

I just can't make people happy. Now not all the time, of course I'm not milkin the sympathy here. It just seems like lately I'm always being corrected, or put in my place. Not that I can't take constructive criticism. But how many times can you get knocked down before you need 12 people to help you back up? Every week something happens. Or several things happen. And I keep taking it and taking it and taking it. But damn. I'm done.

I love being the strong one. I like being the one who cleans up messes, makes sure things get taken care of, being in charge. But when do I get my breakdown? When does the strong person get their day to throw in the towel and collapse? When do you get to say the things you want to say but can't?

Like I said, I know after a good nights sleep I will laugh at how dramatic I'm being. I'm doing hair for some clients of Samantha tomorrow and I know that will perk me up. Doing hair always does. I will go back to the strong woman that I know that I am. I'm working so hard on not taking things so personally and trying not to blow things up but I'm just having a very down day.

Holy cow

Wow what a week. What a month ... what a year!! 2011 seems like it's attempting to be the most eventful year ever!! I have so many random thoughts going through my head that I don't even know where to start. This might just be a cluster of random thoughts so if I babble on feel free to graze down.

All of the events that have happened in the past couple months have had a pretty profound affect on me. Not like "I'm a victim" approach, more so how I approach certain circumstances and people. Eye opening things that have led me to changing the way I view the way my life is panning out. Let's throw out a topic.

Liam: I adore this child. What an amazing human being. I look back at pictures of him when he was a newborn and then look at the boy he is today and it baffles me. I remember the insecurity I felt. I thought I could never yell at him. I thought he would always been this sweet innocent little thing. HOW WRONG! lol Seriously he really is a great kid. But we have definitely hit a stage with him that he is roughing his way through, and we are being drug right along with him. It's that whole free will thing. Doesn't really work so well for me. I love to encourage Liam to be his own person and stand up for himself, I just didn't think it would start at 2 1/2 years old. I guess he comes by it naturally. I'm about as controlling and stubborn as he is. But I find myself sometimes constantly correcting, disciplining and scolding him. I try to be encouraging and finding other ways to keep him in check but he just doesn't respond to it. Here's the kick in the head about it all ... he only does this with me. I'm serious. Anyone who babysits him says he's perfect. No problem. No whining. Naps well. Eats well. Even when it's just Josh and Monk at home, he's great. When I'm home with him, he's whiney, grumpy and clingy. The clingy I don't so much mind but the whininess and being so standoffish, I have issues with that. But maybe it's because I AM the mom. I have no idea. All I know is I will be glad when this phase goes away.

Work: Boy do I love what I do. I mean I really really do. I listen to my clients, friends, family. Few of them truly enjoy what they do. How sad is that? I would hate to be stuck in a job because of the money or benefits. Now I know that not every job is perfect. I'm not saying mine is. Trust me I have my days I could throw in the towel. But I'd say over 85% of the time I truly enjoy my work. I love that I work with a color line that I'm very comfortable and confident with. I love our products. And I'm very happy that I enjoy the vast majority of my clients. I have gotten to a point in my career that I have a good chunk of confidence in my abilities but I'm still humble about it. I know I'm not the best. I have no desire to go big time or be in the public eye. I don't want to be on stage or go to these huge shows. I'm very comfortable with what I've built. I love doing clients hair and making them feel their best. I don't need all the other razzle dazzle. I keep up with the trends and new techniques. I'm constantly doing research. CONSTANTLY. Moreso than more of these "trendy flashy" hairstylists do. Because I want to keep myself fresh. I'm just very content with my career and that makes a lot of other aspects of my life fall into place.

Friends: What a roller coaster. I've lost a lot of friends and gained some. I use to beat myself up over losing a friend. "What did I do" "Should I change myself?" "Do they hate me?" And then it occured to me that it's just the natural progression of life. They come they go. The friends I've had that I don't really have anymore are not my enemies. I have learned from every relationship I've had. I think changing my approach of how I view the friends that aren't my BEST friends anymore helps me let go and I have less aggression in general. It's a good feeling. But we have made some amazing new friends. I'm just so grateful for these wonderful people who touch our lives.

Life in general: Josh and I have always tried to have a five year plan, which we still do. But we are finding we also have to have a 1 year and even a six month plan. Especially when you have an active toddler who is constantly changing your routine. We've learned to go with the flow with a lot of what life throws us. I try not to focus on the past and the bad things that have happened. I know because of what I write on here that you all think I'm an open book. Really I'm not. I only put out as much information as I'm willing to come back at me. I have a lot more that goes on and that's my business. I've had things happen in my life that have made me the person I am today and good or bad I wouldn't change any of it. None. Overall I'm very happy with my life and even at 28 married with a toddler I'm constantly growing. And I love it.

What it's all about

Holy cow has this been a crazy ride. This weather was insane!!! Liam and I left our house about 6 last night and came to the Allen's. It's now 3:45 and we still don't have power. I finally went back and got my car. The main roads are pretty good but the side roads are crappy. And my amazing husband is working 16 hour days for who knows how many days. He is so dedicated. All the Duke employees are.

But I want to take this time to thank our great friends Adam and Amy. Adam came out in the middle of this weather, brought Liam and I over to their house, fed us, gave us a place to stay. They are the best friends ever. We have been close with them for a while but more and more they show us how amazing they are. They didn't hesitate to take us in at all. I'm so thankful for them :)

OMG

Oh this crazy weather!! Hot topic right now!! Two things about it. A: I'm terrified to lose power. I know everyone is. It's not like I'm alone in this. The only thing that really scares me is Liam. I can bundle myself up and be ok, I'm scared that he is going to get too cold or sick. I've a reserve outfit ready just in case. Some socks, shirt shorts then footy pj's over it and his stocking hat. I can bundle him good. I have the option to go to mom's or the Allen's if I need to. I'm glad I have such amazing people in my life. B: I'm afraid for Joshy. THANKFULLY his supervisor called him this morning and told him he could work out of the Terre Haute office today. I'm THRILLED that he didn't have to make the drive to Plainfield ... yet. You never know though. These Duke employees don't get enough credit. People usually get the day off when bad weather hits. Not them. When the weather goes crazy, so do their schedules. They said to be prepared to work until Thursday or Friday! Yay for overtime ... but boo for not being home with us. I mean I'm a strong woman, but to throw a kid into the mix is scary. And I'm betting we will be home tomorrow too. All I can do is hope for the best. Hope that we keep our power on and that my husband and all his co-workers are safe.

On another note, I'm so sore I can barely move!!!! Chad is killin me!! I though the exercises we were doing seemed very simple, until you do them in repetition. Then I realized just how out of shape I am. And I'm still motivated and all that but I'm serious I can barely get around today!! I know I should get on the treadmill and work it out but seriously? I haven't been this sore since dance team in high school!!! Eye on the prize though.

Ouchy

After getting this year off to a rocky start, I decided to make some changes. Having the emotional roller coaster of being pregnant then miscarrying made me prioritize and rethink things. I realized that if we were going to find time and money to have another baby that I can find the time and money to work out and get myself in order. So that's what I'm doing.

I made the decision to join Union Hospitals Fitness Center. I am going to be with Chad, my personal trainer so he can kick my butt into shape and work out at least three times a week. Plus I moved my treadmill into our bedroom so I'm more aware of it. I cut out soda, fried foods, and snacks. I'm eating better portions and trying to get more sleep.

I got on the scale at the gym and was amazing ... in a bad way. 211. I can say it because that number will not stay there. I can't believe I allowed myself to get back above 200 pounds. I'm so over it. My short term goal is to lose 25 pounds but my long term goal is to be 165. It's completely possible. I'm hoping that between workouts with Chad, working out by myself and a good diet that I can get back down to the weight I desire.

How to change

I'm embarking on a new journey in my life. No I'm not getting a divorce or changing careers. I'm joining a gym. For the first time, ever. I have always taken it upon myself to work out at home and we all have seen how far that gets me. Which don't get me wrong I will still do some stuff at home. I have my treadmill that I love and even though it is a game, the Kinect is quite the workout. Especially the dance game. I'm not even going to announce what my goals are or what I'm doing because I always sabotage myself. All I know is I'm making an all around change in the way I care for myself.

The other thing I'm trying to change is the way I view people. I get very irritated with people sometimes and I don't know why I let it bother me so much. I truly do appreciate the difference in people. I really respect the fact that people can be total opposites and still get along. I agree that we can parent differently, have different work ethics and treat friends differently. But sometimes it just gets under my skin. I don't want anyone to judge me so I try not to judge them. And externally I don't but sometimes internally I am screaming wtf???

I have never claimed to have any patience or tolerance which isn't a good thing. Having Liam has expanded that for me. You have to have patience when you have a toddler. But I really need working on letting things go. The first thing I did was go through facebook and either delete or hide people that I can't stand reading their things. I love facebook we all know that, but some people I could do without. I think sometimes I am so agreeable to my clients at work, that I have nothing left at the end of the day. But I'm going to start working very hard to let things go more often.

Special moments

Warning: very cheesy content to follow. If you aren't sappy or appreciate 'moments' then don't read on ... having said that, I will continue ...

I had a wonderful day today with Liam and Claire. They played all day. Wore themselves out and took a long nap. Then played all night. When Claire left I thought Liam had caught his second wind. So when 9:00 approached I thought, great this is going to be a struggle. So I waited an extra 15 minutes then told him it was time to read books. He went in his room without a fight. We read a book, talked about his day and I stood up to leave the room and he asked me if I would lay with him (like he usually does) So I laid down with him, like I usually do, and we sat quietly for a few minutes. We both closed our eyes and usually after a few minutes he falls to sleep or at least gets close enough to where when I get up he doesn't put up a fuss. When I opened my eyes I noticed he was looking at me. I looked back at him and he reached over and put his hand on my cheek. He ran his fingers over my nose on my head and back to my cheek. This is what I normally do to him to get him to relax. So thinking he was going to laugh because I knew he was mimicking me I smiled at him. He gave me the biggest most genuine smile, kept his hand on my cheek, gave me a kiss and told me "I love you so much momma, thank you for laying with me" And of course I totally lost it. He said "Don't cry momma, be happy." I told him I was happy and that I loved him too and he smiled then closed his eyes and went to sleep. Cheesy yes, very Lifetime movie channel, but it was the most precious moment I have shared with him.

Bluh

One flaw about myself that I pretty much can't stand and can't figure out how to change: Insomnia. I'm am such a troubled sleeper. I see so many people, my husband included, who could take shots of espresso and then lay down and go to sleep. For me it's like walking a tight rope.

Liam, after 2 years of being a fantastic 8-8 sleeper, has decided that's not cool anymore. It's much cooler to go to bed at 9, not fall asleep until 9:45, wake up at 1 crying that he wants to sleep in our bed, wake up at 4 crying and saying 'just because' and then being up for the day by 6:30. Now if it were just that, I could probably handle it. A little blip in the sleep, no big deal. Not for me. I'm one of those people that just doesn't get tired before 11, just doesn't happen. Most night I'm lucky if I get to sleep before midnight. So by 1:00, right when you're getting into that deep sleep, to be woken up by a screaming child shoots your nerves to hell. And OF COURSE he wants Momma. He bypasses Josh's side of the bed and comes straight to me, so even if Josh does get up with him, he starts screaming because he wants me. Most of the time within half an hour I get back to sleep then. It's the 4:00 that kills me. Crying and whining that we push off as long as we can. We will let him lay in there for at least 5-7 minutes thinking it's a fluke. Then he starts getting crazy. So I go in to talk to him and he can't give me a reason why he's up. After almost half an hour I talk him down, get him back to sleep and I'm WIRED. Mainly because I'm irritated, but because my body thinks "You're going to lay down and it will take you 30-45 minutes to sleep all to be woke back up in an hour, why bother" So I'm up at 4, every day and by 7 at night I'm a grump. A grump who is tired but can't sleep.

I understand kids go through phases. He might be having bad dreams, the cat might be making a noise, he could be like me and be a troubled sleeper, I don't know. All I know is I can't take anything to make me sleep. Mainly because I don't like to take medicine if I don't have to, but also because if he does wake up like he has been them I'm up with a medicine hang over and that wouldn't help my problem.

I'm trying to work on myself this year. My flaws. Recognizing them and taking steps to better myself. Realizing that my sleeping issue adds to my mood issue is the easy part, fixing it ... not so easy. Any tips out there from the troubled sleepers?

Highly impressed and very touched

Wow ... I am blown away. I got off work and was on my way to visit Amy when my phone rings. I didn't recognize the number, which is a good sign that I usually won't answer, but for some reason I did. When I answer the phone a familiar voice was on the other side. My doctor.

Ever since my long standing family doctor retired about 8 years ago I never settled with a doctor until I had Liam. And I found Susan Hester. She is a Nurse Practitioner at UAP who works under Dr Eplin. I have always felt more comfortable with a female doctor so I tried her out and instantly felt comfortable with her. Over the past almost three years I have grown to trust her completely and truly enjoy her company. I always feel like she truly cares what happens to not only me but my family. I always get in right away, never feel rushed and am always taken care of.

Even knowing all this I was so completely touched that she called me this evening. Since my OBGYN is technically a UAP doctor, they all share a computer system. I had called Susan when I found out I was pregnant to see if I needed to switch my blood pressure medicine, which they did and she called me the next day because she knew we had not only not tried for the pregnancy, we actually tried not to. After that my only communication I had was with Dr. Coutinho's office. But apparently she kept up on it because after I miscarried, which they obviously put in their system, she calls me tonight to check up and see how I'm doing. Now she looked in the system and saw that my levels were so low that I didn't have to have a DNC, so it's not like she was calling me to tell me I need to schedule something. She simply called to let me know she was thinking about me, ask how I was doing and asked if I needed anything. This woman see's probably upwards of a hundred people a day, works long crazy hours and at the end of the day on a Friday nonetheless, she herself called me to extend her compassion. I love this woman.

It's so nice to know that there are still people in the medical field who are in it for the patients. This woman has always gone above and beyond the call of duty. When you sit down to talk to her you feel like you're having coffee with one of your girlfriends. I have more respect for her than any physician I have ever met. I feel so fortunate to have found such a lovely doctor and I'm thankful that there are still loving, caring, selfless people out there like her. It makes you realize the world is still a happy wonderful place.

Twists and Turns

Well the year of 'testing' is still in full swing. Liam was up puking all night. There is nothing worse than seeing your kid sick. Every time he would throw up he would look at me with these big eyes and say "I'm sorry Momma, I'm better" Break my heart! But luckily he is doing better. I think trying to get them back to normal is almost as bad as them being sick in the first place. Trying to get their energy back, trying to get them to eat, sleep. But he is on the mend so that's great.

I have thought a lot lately about my friends. I have been very fortunate to share the company of some truly amazing people .....

The Allens. I'm sure you've all seen pictures of Claire Madeline. Liam's bff. Her parent's Adam and Amy have quickly become our best friends. It's a great little situation. We are the same age, Amy and I get along, Adam and Josh get along and the kids love each other. As a group it's a perfect fit and we couldn't be happier to have them.

Jimmy. Oh my Jimmy. Seldom to friends like him come along. He's my gay :) as I strongly believe every girl should have one. He is one of the most positive happy supportive people I know. I'm thrilled to have him in my life.

The Fosters. They have been friends of ours for years. Just over 10 years actually. They were in our wedding and have remained very supportive great friends.

The Earls. We went to Florida with them last year and had a blast. Our time with them is always good time and we don't get together often enough.

Nikki. I have been friends with Nikki the longest out of all of my friends. We met my 8th grade year at Otter Creek and have been friends ever since. We have more inside jokes than anyone I've ever met, and those jokes we still laugh at as much today as we ever did. It's funny to have a conversation 13 years ago about 'when we get older and are married with kids' and to actually be there. She is a wonderfully bubbly person with two gorgeous kids. :)

Sara. Sara and I have been friends almost as long as Nikki and I have. She is one of those friends that you can go a while without talking to and pick up right where you left off. I know if I ever really needed her she would be there a visa versa. She is cooky and smart and always seems to say the right thing.

My husband. My best friend. Yes we argue. Yes we disagree on some things. We have crazy schedules. But we are always there for each other and no one really gets me like he does. He has a calming affect on me. Whenever I feel flustered or wound up he is the only person that can bring me back down to reality. He is the love of my life.

I know there are a ton of other friends I have that are a huge support system. Whenever something is going on with me it seems like I have an our pouring of friends coming to my rescue. Between my clients, acquaintances, friends and family I have a huge net to catch me if I fall.

In the short 13 days of this year I have truly been put to the test, But I will prevail. I have decided that this year started off so bad to get all of it out of the way so the rest of the year can be fabulous. I'm choosing to spend this year focusing on what matters the most. I'm going to do more productive things with my time including making my health a priority. I'm getting back on the treadmill, eating smaller portions, and cutting out soda. I'm taking charge of my life. Look out ya'll!!

Up and Down

Up down up down up down. What an emotional roller coaster this year has been already and it's only January 11th. As it's obvious by now, I found out last week I was pregnant and yesterday I miscarried. A whirlwind of emotions. The last week has been one big test.

Josh and I had made up our minds that we didn't desire to have anymore kids, so when we wound up pregnant it was a shock to say the least. Then we warmed up to the idea. All to be blasted with another shock of losing it. Back and forth back and forth. And all I can say is that I'm so tired.

This week has made me stop and think about all the things going on in my life. Not just about kids, but about what I want out of life. I thought I had it all together and I don't. I thought I was so confident with who I was and I'm not. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not in the middle of a breakdown. Been there ... had that. More like I'm ready to take an emotional journey to figuring out what I really truly want. I have what I need. I have a great husband, a fantastic son and a solid career. Outside of that I'm hazy. It's time for some changes in a good way.

I have always lived my life by the saying "Everything happens for a reason" There is always a lesson to be learned. And I'm doing just that. I'm very content with my family of three. I'm ready to take my life to the next level.

I will say that I'm overwhelmed by the outpour of support and well wishes from all my friends. It's almost sad that something bad has to happen to realize how people feel about you. I have such a huge support system between my family friends and clients and I'm so honored to know the people in my life. I'm so very thankful.

Words can't describe

Wow. How do I announce that I'm pregnant when just two weeks ago I wrote a blog about how having one child is my business and it's my choice. Needless to say ... oops!!

I discovered Monday and I was pregnant. And pretty much broke down. I felt sorry for myself and sad and couldn't understand why this happened. But things do happen. Accidents happen. And that's ok. Because in the matter of 48 hours what I thought I never wanted has become the most amazing thing. It has conquered the odds. The odds of us not desiring to have another child. The odds of us accidentally getting pregnant when we did.

Josh and I, even though our life plan has changes, we are very happy. I think Josh secretly wanted one anyway, but I wasn't on board. And when I first found out my initial thought was ... what the hell am I going to do. But it only took a little time for my mind to wrap around it and realize this was meant to be. So even though I feel like I'm contradicting everything I have been saying, I'm now happily saying that we will soon be a family of four :)

Nope not for me ...

2011. How did 2010 come and go so fast!? This was a whirlwind of a year. In terms of growth and vocabulary Liam has blown my mind. He started off last year at 17 months and now he's 2 1/2. Last year he got a few words and some jibberish and now he can talk in paragraphs. Sigh. I officially have a toddler, not a baby. But I have thoroughly enjoyed seeing him learn and grow.

Work has come leaps and bounds. Right when I think I can can't get any busier I do. My best friend Jimmy started working at Medusa's. Amy isn't an owner anymore. Changes Changes Changes! Oh what will this year bring? Who knows!!

Josh has really perfected his skills at work. I KNOW he is going to move up. I just know that 2011 will be his year to get promoted. He deserves to. He is a very hard worker. I'm very proud of him.

I'm not really one to make New Years resolutions. I believe if you need a change you make it when it needs to be made. And yes I have things I want to work on, but I work on them in March and August and any other month that needs it. I have been on my diet but of course like every other person out there I slip around the holidays. I'm human. But I have set my goal and I will achieve it.

The only other thing I still want to improve on, is me. My overall state of mind. I'm done with being lazy. Yes we all have our days, but there are some days where I could do things and I have the time but I just don't. I have a tendency to let my attitude get the best of me and I am bad about over doing it. I don't mind doing favors for people but it gets to overwhelming. I end up spending all my days off doing for other people and by the time I'm done it's time to go back to work and I'm exhausted. Which is why I get lazy throughout the week. I just need to start learning how to say no. I'm too much of a people pleaser. Which I guess isn't a horrible thing.

I have a few plans in the works for 2011. Medusa's is going to be contributing to the Swopes Mardi Gras party. We are going to be doing hair that imitates art. Very avaunt guard. I can't wait. I'm photographing a wedding which I'm both excited and nervous about. I looooooove taking pictures and I have taken pictures at weddings a bunch of times but I was never the primary photographer. But I'm more excited than anything. My amazing husband is getting me a new camera with his bonus this year so I will have amazing new equipment to use.

It's going to be a great year because I will make that way!! Have a happy new year everyone!!