Influence

Does anyone else find that when you watch certain movies, your influence on things can be altered? Not to say I'm going to watch a show on meth and start doing it. Last night for about the fifth time I watched "Pay It Forward" Each time I watch that movie I pick up a different aspect of it's influence or meaning. I walk away with a different feeling every time. After watching it this time I felt completely different about it. Of course the obvious meaning is to do good things for people and it can start a spiral effect. But this time I walked away with feelings about how things that happen to you as a child can greatly effect how the rest of your life pans out.

It's something I have struggled with for a long time. Josh has a difficult past. I won't go into it but it's something I know he struggles with daily. I think it's something that has built a slight wall between us for years. Not in an overly bad way it's just something that we will always struggle to see eye to eye on.

He comes from a past that makes him question things and people because he was always let down. I come from a past that I always had people there for me. If I was let down it's because I let someone else down. It's something I simply can't relate to. I remember saying to him several time "What's in the past is in the past, just let it go" But it's not that simple.

I, like everyone else in the world, of course had bad things happen to me, but in hindsight I realize that everything that went wrong was essentially cause and effect. We are responsible for our own decisions. We can't expect anything to change unless we make it. But it can leave scars. So how do you deal? Or how do you deal with someone who has those scars. I can recall three bad things happening to me in my life. (Yes more than three things have happened but there are three big ones that pop into my head that had a big effect on me) Each one of those three things was caused by something that I in some way did. Yes other people may have added to the stress or drama of that situation but it's because of the choices I made that lead me to it.

I learned from these mistakes, and yes I will continue to learn from poor choices that I make. But how much is choosing to let go and how much is the past not letting you let go? One of lifes little questions. I will never, thankfully, understand what it's like to have a horrible childhood. I was raised with wonderful parents and friends. I never went without or was abused. And now because of that I will make sure Liam never will either. I don't pity people who have bad pasts. I believe that the paths we take in life lead us to where we are today. Everything happens for a reason. Just an observation.