Tis the season to be ?

What a Christmas this was! It had it's up's and down's. Last Sunday Josh came home from a movie sicker than a dog. Turns out he had the flu and bronchitis that a week later still has him feeling down. Though not like he was. I've never really seen him that sick. Then Liam decided to get a little cold. Nothing major but enough that he didn't act like his normal chipper self. But nonetheless he had a fantastic Christmas. His reactions to the presents just killed me. Every time we set a present in front of him he would get all jittery and say "What is it!!!!???" Too cute. It was fun.

We got to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with family so that's always wonderful. Then we pretty much got to relax the rest of the day. Dad and Josh went to a movie and mom and I did spa stuff and watched P.S. I love you (Nice tear jerker for Christmas time eh) I then woke up with a domestic rage today and went crazy. I went grocery shopping and got everything stocked up. When I came home to put them away I took a look at my kitchen and thought "No this just wont do" I tore it up! I cleaned out every drawer, every nook every cranny. Scrubbed, swept, moped and dusted. Then I moved on to the dining room, bath room and living room, though the living room still looks like a tornado went through it since Liam has to bring out every toy he owns. You know I look at some other peoples houses who have kids and it's all organized and picked up and I think "Do your kids actually play with their toys? Or are you just OCD and pick them up the second they walk away?" I clean up toys at least three times a day and yet at the end of the night my living room floor looks like a toy box threw up. Ah well. Gotta pick your battles I guess.

Am I the only person out there who still gets touches of season depression? I absolutely hate it and I fight it so hard but damnit sometimes you just want to throw your hands up and cry. And I do. Of course I've always been prone to being a cry baby, but I hate that I get to feeling so overwhelmed. I feel like I'm weak and I DO NOT like feeling week. The stress from money to house work to a toddler to bickering to time to work to whatever. Usually I'm a rock and I can handle it and be Super Mom, Super Wife, Super Employee. And sometimes I pretty much drown myself in pity. Why? It's a feeling that overcomes me and I have no control.

Here's the other thing. Why do I finally find my motivation to lose weight and become healthier at this time of year? When there are so many awful things being served and my willpower faulters. I wish there was hypnosis or acupuncture or a pill you could take to make your brain shut off it's cravings. I look in the mirror after and bath and think, "Now was that extra piece of meatloaf worth it? Are you that lazy you couldn't have found time to work out today? No wonder you don't think any of your clothes fit right." The damage that pregnancy did on me cannot be undone without surgery I know that. I feel like my stomach looks like a deflated balloon. And yes I'm aware that my bikini days are over, but I would like to look at myself and not be repulsed. There should be a support group you can join like AA where you have a sponsor you can call before you eat and talk you down of the ledge.

So I'm not going down the path of making a New Years Resolution to lose weight. No no no. I'm ready for my life change.