I FOUND IT!!!

I FOUND IT I FOUND IT!!! A while ago I had written that for some reason I couldn't find my motivation. Well I have officially found it and I think I might have figured out a way to keep it. A couple days ago I was feeling pretty sorry for myself. I was kinda sickly and feeling down. Which is normal this time of year. Everything in life is going really well so I couldn't figure out why I was so down. And then it hit me. NOTHING should be bothering me that much. So why am I letting it?

I am a youtube junkie. I'm always on there looking up hair videos and dance videos. But along the way I stumble on other videos that pop up. I recently found some while looking up a hair video about the power of positive thinking. I have heard this several times from my mom and boss and other people. But looking at some of these stories of people really hit me. No matter how hard my life gets, when it comes right down to it I'm pretty damn lucky.

The other thing I have realized is I have to take responsibility and accountability for the things that are wrong in my life. What are the corp things people complain about? Money, time, kids, weight? All that is pretty manageable. Money: it will always be an issue no matter what, but if you're responsible and make sure that all your stuff is taken care of first, then whatever is leftover is yours. I'm lucky enough that my wonderful clients chose to tip me for the service I provide them so that gives me a little extra cushion. Time: there will never be enough of it, you just have to make the time you have mean something. Kids: yes they are stressful and expensive and tiresome, but they are also lovable, affectionate and give your life some extra meaning. Weight: that's my big one. I have accepted that I will always struggle with my weight. Not that I'm ok with being my size, but I need to accept that I'm just built for cushion. I look back at pictures when I was in high school (which is a hard comparison since it was almost 10 years ago and I had no bills or stress or a kid) but nonetheless. I looked the best I ever did and even at that I weighed 165 pounds. On a lot of women that would be massive, but for me that was skinny. I would just love to be at 180. And I will.

I have decided that changing the way I mentally approach my diet determines how my attitude reflects it. I always resent my diet and fight it. I think what I need to do is be realistic. I KNOW that I will never be able to force myself to eat the foods I don't like, and honestly I don't like vegetables. I know they are the best thing for you and all that, but I can't make myself eat something I just don't like. I'm working on expanding that, but until then I have to work on what I do like. As much as I fight it and fight it, I have to cut back on carbs. I love bread and pasta. LOOOOOOOOVE them, but they are my enemy. I will not cut them out but I can reduce. Then there is pop, and fried foods, and salt. I'm not a sweets person so that's no problem. I'm going to work on portions and reduce/eliminate the bad things. I have to do this. For my physical and mental health and to be a good role model to my son. My goal is to be 30 pounds lighter by summer. And I shall.