Escape

This weekend my best friend Amy and I are going to Indy to have a girls weekend. No husbands, no kids, no agenda and it couldn't come at a better time. No nothing is tragically wrong, but I just really need to get away. With Liam being in the midst of the night terrors, whining fits and temper tantrums I need some adult time to where I can get away and worry about nothing for two days.

On an unrelated note, I'm evaluating how I deal with certain situations and people. I'm really starting to question my approach in certain ways. With Liam going through this weird transition I find myself getting very frustrated. Sometimes I really just want to scream (I don't by the way) but that's the feeling I get and I hate it. I know every parent gets irritated with their kids or moreso their behaviors. I know it shall pass blah blah blah but I hate the affect it has on my mood. And adults can do the same thing. I feel like I ALWAYS have to watch what I say. I know with my job that's expected but damn. Sometimes you can so easily offend someone, or say something and they interpret it the wrong way. Which is why I NEVER talk religion and politics. Too much of a grey area. And I'm ok with that. I've lost friends but they "don't know how to take me" Well I've always thought of myself as a pretty straight forward person. I use to be a lot more blunt than I am, but I was constantly being scolded for how 'harsh' or 'mean' I was. I just think most people can't handle hearing the truth. I'm the kind of person to where I like to deal with an issue right when it happens. I think most people hang on to stuff for way too long and it builds until you flat out don't like someone because of something they said or did that may not even have been meant that way.

How do you train yourself to not be so emotional? Half the time when I say or do something that rub people the wrong way is because I care so much about it or I'm confused by it. Sometimes I care way too much about people and what they think. It's funny because if someone doesn't like me for a reason that I feel like is justified I really couldn't care less, but if someone doesn't like me because of something that isn't so, it really honks me off. My mom has always said I have a big heart and I completely wear it on my sleeve. True. And I have no issues with this. I would rather lay all my feelings out there than hide them. But I just can't figure out how to turn them down.

I guess when it comes right down to it, this is me and that's it. I don't like changing FOR people, but I do feel like relationships are give and take, compromise. And if I'm constantly bothering people by my overwhelming emotion, maybe it deserves a closer analysis. What are your thoughts?

Make-up and Hair

So as most of you know I'm incredibly dedicated to what I do. I'm so extremely lucky to have found my passion in life and even luckier that I've had pretty good success doing it. It's funny how at first when I got into this industry I had to do anything and everything to build up my book. Now that I'm over 6 years in I'm in a position where I have a little more say in what I do. And I like that.

I have never made a secret that my main passion with hair is styling and all that it entails. Weddings, proms, parties whatever. In doing hair for these type of events, or just playing around on a regular day, I hear more and more clients saying "I wish I knew some tricks to do my hair/make-up like you" ... LIGHT BULB!!! So it hit me. Why can't I teach my clients/friends some tricks to helping them out!! I've always told my clients ... my goal in doing hair/make-up is to give you something that YOU can do on a daily basis. I'm all about staying inside peoples comfort zone. So here is what I'm going to do ...

I'm going to have two make-up parties and two hair parties at my house. No more than 10 people per party (so everyone can get some individual attention) With the make-up party I will teach everyone about their facial features and color, what colors to use and not use, application techniques, and recommend some products. At the hair party I will be teaching about products to use, tools to use, how to use bobby pins, and three different styling looks. At each party I will give everyone written instructions and a small goody bag. Plus I will have snacks, wine and other drinks. It will be $20 per person per class. I'm asking people who are seriously interested to write me either on facebook or email me at dannarhea@yahoo.com so I can get an accurate head count. I would like to hold these classes on a Sunday afternoon or a Saturday evening. Please let me know your preference. Once I get everyone opinion I will release dates on the classes. Most likely the end of April/beginning of May.

I would love to do these parties, not only because I love throwing a party, but because I love to educate people on what I do. I would appreciate any questions, feedback or suggestions you all might have. I look forward to hearing from you all!!

Bluh ... Bleck ... Blah

This evening I have had a case of the blahs. I hate nights like that. I have just felt off. I know every day can't be a good day.

First of all Liam is being ... two. I know it's a phase ... I know it's his age ... I know this too shall pass. But dammit while you're in the midst of it, it's down right miserable. It would be fine if we got a break, but he is pretty relentless. He has his small shining moments. A smile and giggle here and there, but he is testing testing testing. Again, I know that's his age. I know in a few months I will laugh about this, but I'm not now. I'm trying a different approach. I'm trying to be more calm about my approach with him. I'm trying to let go of the little things and keep structure with the big things. I will not tolerate him smacking me or screaming at the top of his lungs. One of the things that gets me the most upset is the "nnnnnoooooooo" with whining to follow. Hopefully this really is just a phase and will be over soon. Sigh.

The other issue I've had this evening is my stomach is so upset. We met friends for dinner and I ordered fish and chips. Fried of course and I know that why I feel like crap. I'm so over it. I keep telling myself that I still deserve to have certain foods. And there are a few that despite how fattening it is I will still eat from time to time, but in general I'm so done. Eating out in general ... done. I don't have an issue with running to Baesler's on my lunch and getting the salad bar. But Wendy's, McDonald's, Taco Bell ... done done done. I'm killing myself at the gym and with my trainer and it's like it's going to waist. I have made a lot of changes in my diet, but I need to shift it into overdrive. I think part of the reason I feel so bad is because I've been eating better and now it's like my stomach can't handle the fried food. I've been choosing baked potatoes over fries and grilled over fried chicken, but it's time to get rid of it!! Let it be gone!!

I wear a bracelet that my friend Anne got me that says POSITIVITY on it and I love to wear it daily to remind me of just that. It really is a state of mind. And much like my blog last night about Pay It Forward it's a way of life. I try to remember that when dealing with Liam's tantrums and dealing with my weakness with food. I have so many amazing people backing me up and encouraging me. People who follow what I write, clients who care for me, family who never let me down, friends who are always beside me and that's what pulls me through. I'm feeling better already :)

Influence

Does anyone else find that when you watch certain movies, your influence on things can be altered? Not to say I'm going to watch a show on meth and start doing it. Last night for about the fifth time I watched "Pay It Forward" Each time I watch that movie I pick up a different aspect of it's influence or meaning. I walk away with a different feeling every time. After watching it this time I felt completely different about it. Of course the obvious meaning is to do good things for people and it can start a spiral effect. But this time I walked away with feelings about how things that happen to you as a child can greatly effect how the rest of your life pans out.

It's something I have struggled with for a long time. Josh has a difficult past. I won't go into it but it's something I know he struggles with daily. I think it's something that has built a slight wall between us for years. Not in an overly bad way it's just something that we will always struggle to see eye to eye on.

He comes from a past that makes him question things and people because he was always let down. I come from a past that I always had people there for me. If I was let down it's because I let someone else down. It's something I simply can't relate to. I remember saying to him several time "What's in the past is in the past, just let it go" But it's not that simple.

I, like everyone else in the world, of course had bad things happen to me, but in hindsight I realize that everything that went wrong was essentially cause and effect. We are responsible for our own decisions. We can't expect anything to change unless we make it. But it can leave scars. So how do you deal? Or how do you deal with someone who has those scars. I can recall three bad things happening to me in my life. (Yes more than three things have happened but there are three big ones that pop into my head that had a big effect on me) Each one of those three things was caused by something that I in some way did. Yes other people may have added to the stress or drama of that situation but it's because of the choices I made that lead me to it.

I learned from these mistakes, and yes I will continue to learn from poor choices that I make. But how much is choosing to let go and how much is the past not letting you let go? One of lifes little questions. I will never, thankfully, understand what it's like to have a horrible childhood. I was raised with wonderful parents and friends. I never went without or was abused. And now because of that I will make sure Liam never will either. I don't pity people who have bad pasts. I believe that the paths we take in life lead us to where we are today. Everything happens for a reason. Just an observation.

Where motivation spawns

I am quite convinced that I will be one of those people that will falter on keeping motivation when it comes to my diet. But I'm very happy that I've hit a point where I am highly motivated. I think the trick I have found is actually trick my mind. I have always suffered from anxiety and panic attacks and whereas I have learned to control them over the years, I have realized that my mind has a huge affect on how I react to things.

I've learned that if I keep telling myself over and over that soda is horrible, fried foods, things with high sodium, things high in sugar. That if I eat these things I will get sick then I tend to avoid them. I have started reading up a lot on ingredients ... or just reading labels in general. Something I have never done. Something that has really started to help me is reading the serving size on things. I would just eat. Not pay attention to just how much I was suppose to be eating. I ordered some girl scout cookies off a client and when I read the label I realized the serving size was 2 .... two cookies. Really? So that's all I ate. Another thing that works is eating slower and drinking water throughout the meal really helps. Usually I eat so fast my body can't catch up to tell me it's full.

I'm so lucky that I have a funnel of different things and people who feed into my motivation. Sometimes without people knowing they are helping, they do. In my journey to positivity I have discovered something that is pivotal to aiding people is being complimentary. I think people (myself included) are too judgemental. We are so quick to pick out people flaws that we don't pay attention to their attributes. I know I'm often taken as a kiss ass, but really I just point out to people what's right in front of their faces. I have the pleasure of being in the company of some amazing people. And to have even a little of that reciprocated makes a huge difference. When a client writes or calls me and says they love their hair they have no idea what that means to me. I'm passionate about what I do and I'm glad others appreciate it. I have friends who vocalize their feelings, family members, my husband all these people who don't let me get down. And I'm forever thankful.

It's a hard balance I'm trying to get in this journey. To try to make my time divide between so many people and still have time for myself is hard. I was lucky enough today to have the entire day off. Josh worked, Liam was at day care. Don't get me wrong, I love to spend time with my boys but I do need my alone time. The only thing I really did today was have my training session with Chad. I took a shower, watched movies, danced around to music in my living room, sat in silence for a while, took a drive. It was wonderful and I feel rejuvinated. So tomorrow I believe after I take Liam to day care, I'm going to go on a walk around Collet Park since I will be right there. Weather permitting. If not I will go back to the gym.

Things are going great right now and I really hoping this motivation keeps pouring in. I would love to be down to a 12 by this summer and hopefully a 10 by this fall. Chad thinks it's totally attainable if I can control my calories and carb intake. Portion control portion control portion control. I can do this!!!!!!

Catching Up

Hello all! Yes it has been a while since I've updated my blog. I kinda forgot about it honestly. Things are finally moving in a good direction. Starting to get stuff in order and it seems like our bad streak is (knock extremely hard on wood) coming to a close. I'm just trying to optimistic that all that bad stuff was meant to happen for a reason and that there is a lesson learned.

Work has been great. With the exception of a few slow days I've been packed! Which is wonderful. In two weeks I start my new schedule and I'm a little nervous but excited about it. Now I will be working Tuesday 12-8 Wednesday 9-4 Thursday 9-5 Friday 9-4 and Saturday 9-2. It's better because I get to spend more time with Liam and I don't have to worry about an evening babysitter. Just Tuesday nights and we have had friends and family offer to help :) We are very lucky for that.

Josh is trying to adjust to his new schedule. The overnights are pretty hard for him. Not only because it's a jacked up sleep schedule but he basically doesn't see Liam for those days and we have minimal time together. But it's a huge stepping stone to get to where he wants to be in the company and I'm proud of him for all the hard work he puts in.

My workouts are going great. I have totally fallen off my diet a couple times but not my workouts. I remember making fun of people for being gym addicts yet I've totally become one. If I could go every day I would. I just feel better when I go. And I'm starting to catch my eating motivation up with my work out motivation. But I said from the beginning, I have to get my workouts in order before I can change my food habit's and I'm starting to feel the effects of it. I'm noticing that I'm not eating as big of portions and drinking a ton of water. I really want to hit my goal of 40 pounds gone by the end of the year and I know I have it in me to do it.

I'm continuing to embrace a more positive attitude. Oh yes I totally have my days. Doesn't everyone? But in general I'm feeling much better about .... life! Finally!! :)

Back to reality

Wow have I really let myself go! It started last weekend, we had dinner with friends and I fell off my diet and then that started the ball rolling until today I made it come to a screeching halt. This is always what happens. I start to lose weight and see some results so I "reward" myself with a bad meal ... that leads to the next, that leads to the next, that leads to the next. Well it stops now!!! I'm definitely getting back on track now!! I want to be able to confidently walk around in a bathing suit this summer!!

I had a session with the amazingly talented Samantha from the Roxy Studio this week. It was much needed. I highly recommend this to women not only because Samantha is my friend and I fully support her amazing business, but she has a way of making people feel beautiful. She is so bubbly and happy. She is wonderfully talented at angles and lighting. She will tell you to hold your head this way, move your arm here, hold your leg up and look a certain way. You feel like you're in a pretzel but OMG does it turn out AMAZING!! She knows ... she just knows. I'm a big girl ... yes I'm working on it ... but a size 14 as of now ... and after I do pictures with her I feel trim and sexy and confident. How in the hell does she do that!! I don't care how much it is, or how uncomfortable you think you may feel, I think it would benefit every woman out there to do this.

I recently did some soul searching and removed some people from facebook ... I know facebook is not the be all end all, but it does connect a lot of people and I'm thankful for that. But I have realized I had some toxic people in my life, and I never removed them because I thought they would be hurt that I removed them. But then I realized that the reasons why I wanted to remove them was because these people don't add any value to my life, so why would I give it a thought to if THEY were upset if I removed them? I don't hate these people, I just don't feel the need to share my stories and photos with them. I no longer feel the need to explain myself or my reasoning for doing things. I'm perfectly content with my choices. I'm not married to my friends. I don't owe any one a reason for why I do the things I do. Even though I'm pretty straight forward and say what I mean. Some people have made me try to feel guilty for choices I've made or things I've said. Nope ... no more. If you have an issue with me or my choices ... press on. I'm not trying to be bitchy, but I don't desire anyones approval. My family is happy and those are the only people whose approval I desire.

I'm getting to be in a great place right now and I'm relishing in it. There will be days where I'm down and out and that's ok, I will go with it. But the days of my so called "friends" questioning me are D O N E.

Hope is alive

I've made no secret that this year has kept me on my toes. Emotional ups and downs. More downs than ups. I let myself fall to pieces a couple times. I've cried myself to sleep. I've let myself think that life just about sucks. And then something so small can happen that completely turns you around. Sometimes it's as simple as reading a book that brings you comfort. Listen to a certain song, a smell that brings you back to a childhood memory, a laugh, a smile. These little things start happening and it starts the ball rolling back in the right direction.

My roll into a better mind set started when I signed up at the gym. I've never been the gym kind of person, but since I've been doing it I've been so much happier. Whenever I go a couple days without working out I feel sluggish. I'm getting healthier and feeling better. Then we made some important life decisions that have put some stresses we did have waaaaaaaay on the back burner.

When I look at the overview of my life I'm pretty damn lucky. I have a great supportive husband, a fantastic son, a loving family and the best friends you could ever ask for. I have a job that I love, hobbies that make me feel so satisfied and I have more confidence in the things I do than ever before. When you focus on the bigger picture it makes the smaller things easier to deal with.

Today a friend brought by a small but wonderful gift to me. It's a black bracelet with a silver plate on it that says "positivity" It's amazing how something so small and so simple can have such a powerful message. But it's not just what it says. It's the message that there are still great people out there. It's not about the money, it's about the thought. She cared enough to think of me when she saw this and gave it to me for no other reason than to spread the word. What an amazing gift.

It's allowed me to renew my hope in people. That there are still great people out there who care enough to take the time to think of others. I have tried to think positive things more often. It is amazing how being negative can pull you down. I've been working towards eliminating the negative people in my life. Not out of hate or spite, I've just hit a point where I don't need that around me and my family. Things are looking up.