Josh's best friend Jon called us last night and told us some wonderful news. Him and his wife Amy are expecting their first child in June. It's fabulous news. Wonderful news! It was so wonderful in the midst of feeling crappy to hear some truly joyful news. It kind of put things in perspective. After we got off the phone with him and the boys went to bed I though a lot about where my life was at when I was in the same position as Jon and Amy.
I will never ever forget the feeling I had when I found out I was pregnant. Josh and I had talked very very briefly about trying to have a baby, which we came to the decision that we wouldn't necessarily try, so much as we wouldn't be so careful. And that's all it took ... two tries and there we were. It was the Sunday after Thanksgiving. Josh was at home and I was at my moms house. We had a small disagreement (my mom and I that is) she asked me what my problem was. Why I was so moody. I chalked it up to having PMS. So I left to head home. For some reason that I can't explain I stopped at Kroger and bought a pregnancy test. I would do this from time to time whenever I was a day or two late to assure myself that I wasn't pregnant and then inevitably I would start the next day. So I assumed this time would be no different. When I got home I hid the pregnancy test in my coat so Josh wouldn't see it. It ticked him off that I would do this time to time since pregnancy tests are pretty expensive.
So I went to the bathroom and took the test and sat there until I was sure I would look over and it would say "Not Pregnant" as it always had. 8 minutes went by and I looked over at the test that read "___ Pregnant" Stupid me thought "Oh .... well it hasn't sat long enough yet ... the "Not" didn't pop up. So I took the other test that was in the box. 45 seconds after I took the test ... there it was. PREGNANT. I have never felt that many nerve endings go off in my body at one time. I immediately started to cry, followed by panic, followed by nausea, followed by the only thing I knew close to euphoria. Then it hit me, Josh thinks I'm just in the bathroom. He has no idea what I'm doing. If you know me at all you know that when I cry it's written all over my face. I get red and splotchy and puffy. So there was no holding back. I walk into the front room where Josh looks up at me like I've lost my mind. When he asks me what's wrong I start sobbing and in the middle of my meltdown I manage to say "I'm pregnant" He sat there stunned for what seemed like an eternity and then got up to hug me. I still think it took him about a month for it to really sink in.
Then of course I called my mom. She answered saying "What ... you just left here. Did you forget something?" I told her I figured out what was causing my moodiness. She asked if I got my period .... not for 9 more months! All she could do was yell "ARE YOU SHITTING ME?" LOL After that I called pretty much everyone in my phone to tell them the news.
I think back about that night and remember the feeling I had. That feeling of "Yes my life is definitely about to change" I had no idea how much. All I knew is how much, just in the time it took for the pregnancy test to change, I could fall in love so quickly. I think I need to remember that feeling whenever I get in a mood about Liam being moody. Kids are always going to go through phases. They are always going to push your buttons, be better for other people, wake you up in the middle of the night and be expensive. But they also allow you to feel the greatest love you've ever known. They have no idea that one, just one genuine smile, can drastically change your day for the better. That no matter how broke you are, frustrated, on edge and crazy you feel, remember that feeling you got when you found out they were coming. Remember that feeling you got when the Dr handed them to you for the first time. Remember the sense of joy you felt when they smiled, truly smiled for the first time.
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