I need help

Where did it go? My motivation that is. I am so completely dissatisfied with the way i look. I've never really had a bad self image. I always have been a bigger person. I've always known that I will always be a bigger person. I just never thought I would let myself go this bad. It's a very hard pill to swallow when you have to take a good hard look at yourself and realize ... I have no freaking willpower. Yet no matter how much I look at myself and realize ... I'm a tubbo, I can't seem to stop myself. My problem is I love food. I'm Italian. I love everything starch.

I would love to be a trim size 12. That's not an unrealistic goal. I'm now a full 14. It's mainly my stomach and double chin that bother me. I always gain it in my face first. My stomach is really whats out of control. Before when I gained weight I would gain my weight evenly. Since I've had Liam it all goes to my stomach. I hate it. Hate hate hate it. I can't even stand to look at myself.

I had no idea how much gaining weight would affect my whole self image. My least favorite part of the day is getting dressed. Putting on a dress that once looked really good on me and now looks horrible. Wearing jeans and feeling confident and now I want to wear baggy shirts to cover myself up. I don't know what I need to do to kick my butt into gear.

You would think that just looking at myself would do it. That getting angry every morning while getting dressed would trigger it. Yet it doesn't. So I need your advice friends. What's a girl to do to stay motivated? I'm so not into the "trends" I'm not going to do Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem, all that crap. I'm already on myfitnesspal.com that helps track your calories. That doesn't help me when it's time to sit down for a meal. That doesn't help me when I don't have time to exercise. I need inspiration.