New Years

Well this year has FINALLY come to a close. I really tried hard through this year to keep a positive frame of mind. And I kept getting kicked down. But like it always does, it turned around. I started off this year with a miscarriage, had financial troubles, pretty much an identity crisis and switched jobs. But I refuse to focus on that. I want to reflect on the good things.

Liam turned three this year. Three has been much better to us then two. Two was a very testing year. Now we seem to have hit our groove. Liam can articulate so well. He's a very pleasant happy child. Yes he has a tantrum like all three year old's do, but that's to be expected. Generally he is a wonderful child and I truly enjoy him.

I started out the year with some casual friends that have become very good friends and I'm lucky to have them all. It's amazing how the older you get you start to discover your true self and you surround yourself with people who reflect that.

The biggest thing that happened this year was just recently. I left my job at Medusa's after 6 1/2 years. It was by far the hardest decision I have ever had to make. I toiled over it. Lost sleep. Anxiety attack after anxiety attack. But it really needed to be done. I was craving a bigger salon feel. And with the general funk I was in with my life in general I needed something new and exciting to jump start my attitude. And boy did it work. Neil gave me so many great opportunities. Exposed me to a lot of things I may never have. Taught me a lot. I will always be thankful to him for all he did for me. And I do miss him.

Things at Element's are amazing. I have only been there a week and a half and I feel so comfortable it's like I've been there forever. The staff is so amazing. They are willing to break their backs to help you and make you feel welcome. They are being so patient with me since I don't really know where anything is or how the system is run. Molly (the owner) has gone above and beyond the call of duty. She brought in the full Wella color line. That makes the transition so much easier. She's constantly asking if anyone needs anything, and if you mention something that needs improvement she see's so it that it gets done. Just a wonderful woman. And I'm completely fortunate that the majority of my clients have followed me. I am so so lucky in the past 7 years to come in contact with an amazing clientelle. They are supportive and understanding and I thank everyone from the bottom of my heart.

The transition cannot come without a few hitches here and there. Scheduling differences, miscommunications etc. And I apologize for any glitches here and there that may come up. I'm trying very hard to stay on top of things while still being busy behind the chair. I'm overwhelmed at the support and positive reinforcement I've recieved.

Another great thing that happened this year is getting my health in order. I worked out with my personal trainer from February through September. I have taken a break these last three months because of the holidays and getting caught up, but I'm going back in January to start again.

I don't make new years resolutions, because I feel like if something needs changed you should change it then, not because it's January 1st. All I know is I'm going into 2012 with a clear head, a better attitude, an amazing family, supportive friends and the hope for an amazing year. I hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday <3

Martin Parsons is my new inspiration

I have always been super resistant to go to hairshows. I'm just not overly fond of big crowds of people. Not my thing. But Neil pretty much insisted we go to the Midwest Beauty Show (Fashion Focus) since they switched it from being held in Covington Ky to Indianapolis. I still was resistant, but I went. The first day was great. Tons of shopping, seeing as how every vendor in the industry was there. Tons of little shows that were in the showroom floor. We went to one class on Sunday. A Wella class, which is the product and color line we carry at the salon. Very nice styles, lovely color placements, good razoring techniques. The educators were funny and pleasant and the models were beautiful. Then Neil took Darcy and I to Ruth's Chris to dinner. Amazing food. So good and a marvelous experience.

Now Monday was the big one. I pretty much went just for the one class. Martin Parsons. Now I know that I say that name and it means nothing to most people, but in the industry he is known as THE updo/stying guy. My expectations walking in was to just learn some styles. Pick up a few tips. I had no idea that I would walk away with a total experience.

First of all, he was absolutely hilarious. I literally laughed through the entire seminar. He made funny faces, little quips, silly circumstances. Totally hit home to the frustrations of hairdressing. Obviously learned some amazing techniques. Turns out he is OCD like me!! He teases each section of hair 12 times. Every time. Amazing pinning techniques and different geometric shapes to make the hair look fuller. I can't go on enough about his techniques, but since you have no idea what I'm talking about I won't.

Now what I didn't see coming was his attention to detail, his positive outlook on clients and attitude. It was overwhelming and completely insightful. He talked about how as hairdressers we put too much emphasis on ourselves and our talents, instead of making our client look good and making their experience more enjoyable. It's about them. If not for them we wouldn't have a job. We need to make sure they are being taken care of and feel nurtured rather than stroking our own egos. Now I'm not big on patting myself on the back, but every stylist is guilty of this. But it was so refreshing to see someone who is so huge in this industry be so humble. Humble will get you so so so much further than a chip on your shoulder.

I walked away feeling so refreshed and rejuvinated. I could listen to him daily and I feel like a better stylist for being in that class.

And the beat goes on ...

Does anyone else feel like this summer has FLOWN BY!! I feel like it barely even happened? Why must the winter always go slow and the summer fly by? Oh well, still having a good summer. Things are going pretty well. Other than the inferno that's happening!! Can you believe this heat?!

Work is good. Up and down up and down. It's kind of inconsistent. Everyone goes on vacation in the summer so it's hit or miss. Still busy though. I just love doing hair. Sigh. I'm lucky to have fallen into this career.

Liam is three .... let me say that again ... LIAM ... IS ... THREE!! Can't get over that. I use to hear adults say all the time "It was just yesterday ..." But it's true!! You know what else is true? I'm an adult. Wow.

Workouts are going great. I'm starting to see and feel results. Motivated me that much more to do better. I'm always going to have some set backs with food but in general I'm making much better choices.

I feel like at this point in my life I'm going through a big learning process. Learning more about myself more than anything. I've learned that I'm pretty damn gullible which I hate to admit. I let people use me and walk on me, and most of the time I'm oblivious. I'm kind of at the beck and call of others. And I allow it. And I'm fastly learning who you can and cannot trust. Which is scary. People I thought I loved and trusted, turns out you can't. And then you think you know some people and you get a glimpse of their true colors. Definitely eye opening. I'm usually a pretty open person but I guess it's time to be a little more reserved. I don't want to put a wall up, but clearly some people can't be trusted. It's sad, but that's life. I will put my faith and efforts into people who reciprocate what I put into them.

In general life is going pretty damn well. Can't complain too much. :)

Update

Wow have I neglected my blog lately!! The ball that is rolling this year just keeps picking up momentum!! But hell at this point I don't care! Bad ... good ... indifferent ... I'm just rolling right along with it. Figured I would just give a general update of what's going on with me.

First things first, my son ... gulp ... turns 3 on Saturday. Sigh. It's amazing. What a journey. You know I realize that birthdays are a reflection period. I've been looking through picture of Liam what he was first born, and it makes my heart swell. Yes I know it's only been three years, but those emotions are still so real. I hope I never lose that flutter in my chest I get when I look at the picture that was first taken of him, just seconds after he was born. The memory of his first smile, his first step, giggle etc. Yes we have moments where he is so awful we could trade him to the gypsies for a while, but that's all part of the package. Being a parent isn't easy, but Josh and I adore this kid. I'm so proud to be his momma <3

Work is wonderful. I simply adore what I do. I never expected for my love of this industry to grow as the years went on. The more I learn, the more I research, the more I submerse myself into it, the more I fall in love with it. I am so incredibly lucky to have met some phenomenal people who have become great friends. Love love love it.

My workouts .... one word ... INTENSE!!! Let me just tell you, I look back at things I've written, how sore, how tired, burnt out, exhausted etc. None of that matters. I ... love ... working ... out!! I actually get pretty upset and feel very sluggish if I go more than a couple days without working out. And the more I work out the more conscious I'm becoming of what I eat. Yes I absolutely have my days where I hit the wall ... mainly around "that" time of the month. But I'm drinking a lot more water, cutting down on salt and sugars, portions are getting smaller, not eating out as much. Just better choices in general. Thus far I have lost 12 pounds, over 7% of my bmi and over 5 inches off my body. I'm still not where I want to be but I'm thrilled with the progress I've made. I started this journey because I wanted to look better ... I'm continuing it because I FEEL better. <3

Newness

Have you ever hit that point in your life where you felt like you've sat still for too long? That you've done the same thing over and over and it's just not working anymore? That's kind of how I've been feeling. Highly desiring something new and fresh. Just certain things. Not my whole life. I've started making small changes in my life, little things that I actually have control over. That's basically decided what my problem has been. Control. Or lack there of I should say. I have always been a control freak. When I don't get my way I tend to get over emotional. I take things personally, freak out, get pisses etc. And lately I've been trying very hard to remedy this. I've had to start changing little things. Like really considering things I say before I say them. Like it or not, once you say something you can't take it back. It's out there. Especially if you're writing it, like on here, facebook, email etc. So I've not been posting that much online. Just some pictures, the occasional Liam story, whatever. I try to only check facebook once or twice a day instead of every half hour like I use to. Basically I'm trying to limit my social media a little bit so I don't read into things wrong and let it rule my mood.

In other attempts to overcome my control issues, I've been trying new things. New foods, new workouts, reading new websites, stuff like that. Just trying to expose myself to fresh new things hoping it will spark some new interests. My trainer has been switching up my workouts which has really helped. I've been getting to the gym more often so I can really push myself on the elliptical. The harder I push myself the better I feel. I'm starting to feel the changes in my body, stamina, energy. It's wonderful. Feeling this I'm starting to become more health conscious about other things. Portion control is my big one. Don't put so much on your plate, then you won't feel like you have to eat it.

I'm starting to feel a change in myself, starting to feel better, more like myself again. I'm feeling that happy positive me again and it makes me crave for more. I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing and see where it takes me. All I know is I feel better than I have in a long time.

Bring it

Holy cow ... 2011 isn't letting up one bit! I think I've officially just learned to roll with it. Nothing bad really, just hoop after hoop to jump through.

I just got off of a week of vacation. It was wonderful and much needed. I piddled around, went to Indy to visit my friend Lori, to Bloomington to see our friends Jon and Amy and their new baby Alex, worked Girls Night Out with Samantha and basically did some fun things that I've been wanting to do. Hung out with friends, cleaned, slept, did nothing. It was awesome. It was nice to get a mental break, which is most of what my job demands. I love my job don't get me wrong and I'm very happy to be going back tomorrow, but it does get mentally exhausting sometimes. There are times when I just don't have any energy left at the end of the day. The negativity is sometimes very contagious. But I feel rested and revitalized.

We still have our ups and downs with Liam. Don't get me wrong he is a fabulous kid. Some of the things he says absolutely slay me. Very witty and funny. But wow can that boy have some mood swings. It's the 0-60 that bothers me. How you can be talking to him rationally and then bam he's screaming. Very odd. But on a positive note, potty training is finally going AWESOME!! He's only had 2 accidents in 8 days :) Happy happy joy joy!! I thought this day would never come. And OMG he will be 3 in 5 weeks. Blows ... my ... mind.

I feel like this is a year of self discovery. I have said that before, but it becomes more and more evident as the year rolls on. We are very close to being half way through the year and as I look back over the months I realize that I'm constantly being put to the test in almost all areas of my life. Whereas before it scared me, intimidated me, made me nervous, made me question myself. Now I'm becoming more at ease with it. It seems as though the more obstacles that are thrown my way, the more I find out about myself and I'm liking it.

I don't have to review all the things I've been through this year, I've named them before. Whereas each one of these things has sent me into some kind of break down, they have also made me take a good hard look at myself. I've had to figure out what I really want and what I have. Even though things don't always go my way, I'm very glad with the way things have gone.

I have some amazing people in my life. Each person plays a different role. Whether I see friends once a week or once a year, that doesn't diminish the weight of the friendship. I have friends that I mainly only talk to through texting and these friends are as important to me as the ones I see weekly. That's what helps pull me through.

So to the second half of 2011 I say ... BRING IT!! What hasn't killed me so far has only made me stronger.

The year of the Test

June 1st ... this year is flying by. This year has been one challenge after another. Right when I think, ok ... a lot has happened now it's going to level off ... something else gets thrown around. I have had constant struggles this year. Every month, something new. And I have tried desperately hard to keep my cool. Yes I have had my break downs, but I have picked myself back up and kept going. I have maintained my composure more than I ever have in my entire life. I've bottled stuff up, turned the other cheek, kept my cool and tried to keep the waters calm. And look how well that's worked out for me. I love it when people tell me how blunt I am and I "speak what's on my mind" if they only knew how much I held back.

This is not a bitch session. This is me laying it all out on the table. This is me finally standing up and saying the things that I need to say. So if you don't want to hear it, stop reading. I have decided that my mouth will be shut no more.

Most of the issues I'm having are caused by myself. Self inflicted. I can honestly admit that. I have been lazy about getting a hold of some of my friends. I can throw out a million excuses why ... work is busy (which is true) I have a busy toddler (which is true) I have projects I do outside of work (also true) I have a husband who works a horrible swing shift so I pull a lot of weight at home (true) I have a ton of friends and family who I try to keep up with (........true.........) but, like I said excuses. Yes ... I need to make more of an effort. Admittedly so. And having it brought to my attention that I haven't been is good. Sometimes you need a slap in the face to make you realize that you've been a dolt. Moving on.

The other thing that is my fault is I'm way to accessible. Facebook, twitter, phone whatever, I'm constantly in contact ... which most of the time is good, but can get to be a real pain the ass. Where work is concerned, I'm officially cutting off communication via phone and online. Part of my commission that gets taken out of my pay, is to pay the receptionist at work. I know people prefer to talk to me and I'm flattered, but the girls who work at Medusa's are paid to take calls and help clients too. From this moment on, that's just what will happen. Someone will text me in the middle of a work day asking about an appointment, I get busy and forget to text back and they get upset. Deservedly so, but case in point, that's what the receptionist is for. As to clear up confusion and save myself time and trouble, no more. Call the salon. Thank you.

Time. There is never enough of it. Never. And I know everyone has this problem. My schedule has changed at work and I'm still adjusting to it. I fill up my days off doing everything but what I should be doing. Some things I love. Having lunch with friends or family, running errands etc. But I end up doing "favors" for everyone and I'm left with absolutely no time to get anything else done. I never have time to myself. Spread ... to ... thin. Again, I have done this to myself, but every time I turn someone down I get "But I never get to see you" "But it's your day off" Sigh.

I am so incredibly blessed to have a lot of good friends who care about me and want to spend time with me. That I could never complain about. But omg there aren't enough hours for me to see everyone. Between my job, my kid, sleeping, eating, running errands and cleaning my house I try to find time to see all the people I care about. Family and several sets of friends. There is no balance. Someone is always left out, someone is always being second fiddle. Someone is always upset. What to do? If I spent two hours a week with every friend I have, I would never get anything else done.

I know some of my friends are reading this right now thinking "But you spend more time with _____ than you do me" Yes, I understand that. Like I explained in my first paragraph, I realize that I've been a lousy friend to some of my friends and overly giving to others. I go where life leads me. I cannot make everyone happy.

I'm having quite the year of testing. I started off my year with a surprise pregnancy, that ended in a surprise miscarriage. Liam getting the stomach flu, me getting the stomach flu, surviving the ice storm, my husband acquiring a horrible swing shift, major changes at work, coming to terms with my weight and actually doing something about it, making new friends, losing old friends, taking on a lot of extra projects, a toddler who has my free will, and more. Again ... excuses? Yes. But nonetheless my life is CRAZY! But you know what, I love my crazy life.

I'm more successful in my business now that I ever have been. I'm a great hair stylist. I don't usually say that out loud that often because I don't like to brag or boast. But dammit I'm allowed to say it sometimes. I work my ass off. I bend over backwards for my clients. My clients NEVER know when my life sucks. They never know when I'm cramping and bloated, tired and irritable. You know why? Because I value and cherish my job. So much so that sometimes I go home at the end of the day and I'm drained. But I love it. I love my husband and my son. They are the two most important men in my life and when I can spend time with them I do. I get the opportunity sometimes to do hair and makeup for The Roxy Studio and on occasion the Terre Haute Living Magazine. I help friends out on the side. I absolutely love spending time with my friends. I adore my family and thoroughly enjoy my time with them.

So what to do what to do. Bitch moan bitch moan bitch moan. I just can't do that anymore. I just can't. I can't please everyone. I want to be everything that everyone wants me to be. But you know what I am. ME. That's all I can be. I can't really make any apologies. I believe life takes you on paths and you follow the one that best fits you. I don't devalue any of my friendships or past endeavors. All I can do is embrace what journey my life is taking me on now.

I have had a lot of things brought to my attention, which is good, since I have been blind sided. I will work on mending my friendships with people. I will work on saying no more even if it makes people mad. I will work on keeping the lines of communication open. But in everything I do, I will remain true to myself, which I have strayed from. I am what I am. No apologies.