Newness

Have you ever hit that point in your life where you felt like you've sat still for too long? That you've done the same thing over and over and it's just not working anymore? That's kind of how I've been feeling. Highly desiring something new and fresh. Just certain things. Not my whole life. I've started making small changes in my life, little things that I actually have control over. That's basically decided what my problem has been. Control. Or lack there of I should say. I have always been a control freak. When I don't get my way I tend to get over emotional. I take things personally, freak out, get pisses etc. And lately I've been trying very hard to remedy this. I've had to start changing little things. Like really considering things I say before I say them. Like it or not, once you say something you can't take it back. It's out there. Especially if you're writing it, like on here, facebook, email etc. So I've not been posting that much online. Just some pictures, the occasional Liam story, whatever. I try to only check facebook once or twice a day instead of every half hour like I use to. Basically I'm trying to limit my social media a little bit so I don't read into things wrong and let it rule my mood.

In other attempts to overcome my control issues, I've been trying new things. New foods, new workouts, reading new websites, stuff like that. Just trying to expose myself to fresh new things hoping it will spark some new interests. My trainer has been switching up my workouts which has really helped. I've been getting to the gym more often so I can really push myself on the elliptical. The harder I push myself the better I feel. I'm starting to feel the changes in my body, stamina, energy. It's wonderful. Feeling this I'm starting to become more health conscious about other things. Portion control is my big one. Don't put so much on your plate, then you won't feel like you have to eat it.

I'm starting to feel a change in myself, starting to feel better, more like myself again. I'm feeling that happy positive me again and it makes me crave for more. I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing and see where it takes me. All I know is I feel better than I have in a long time.

Bring it

Holy cow ... 2011 isn't letting up one bit! I think I've officially just learned to roll with it. Nothing bad really, just hoop after hoop to jump through.

I just got off of a week of vacation. It was wonderful and much needed. I piddled around, went to Indy to visit my friend Lori, to Bloomington to see our friends Jon and Amy and their new baby Alex, worked Girls Night Out with Samantha and basically did some fun things that I've been wanting to do. Hung out with friends, cleaned, slept, did nothing. It was awesome. It was nice to get a mental break, which is most of what my job demands. I love my job don't get me wrong and I'm very happy to be going back tomorrow, but it does get mentally exhausting sometimes. There are times when I just don't have any energy left at the end of the day. The negativity is sometimes very contagious. But I feel rested and revitalized.

We still have our ups and downs with Liam. Don't get me wrong he is a fabulous kid. Some of the things he says absolutely slay me. Very witty and funny. But wow can that boy have some mood swings. It's the 0-60 that bothers me. How you can be talking to him rationally and then bam he's screaming. Very odd. But on a positive note, potty training is finally going AWESOME!! He's only had 2 accidents in 8 days :) Happy happy joy joy!! I thought this day would never come. And OMG he will be 3 in 5 weeks. Blows ... my ... mind.

I feel like this is a year of self discovery. I have said that before, but it becomes more and more evident as the year rolls on. We are very close to being half way through the year and as I look back over the months I realize that I'm constantly being put to the test in almost all areas of my life. Whereas before it scared me, intimidated me, made me nervous, made me question myself. Now I'm becoming more at ease with it. It seems as though the more obstacles that are thrown my way, the more I find out about myself and I'm liking it.

I don't have to review all the things I've been through this year, I've named them before. Whereas each one of these things has sent me into some kind of break down, they have also made me take a good hard look at myself. I've had to figure out what I really want and what I have. Even though things don't always go my way, I'm very glad with the way things have gone.

I have some amazing people in my life. Each person plays a different role. Whether I see friends once a week or once a year, that doesn't diminish the weight of the friendship. I have friends that I mainly only talk to through texting and these friends are as important to me as the ones I see weekly. That's what helps pull me through.

So to the second half of 2011 I say ... BRING IT!! What hasn't killed me so far has only made me stronger.

The year of the Test

June 1st ... this year is flying by. This year has been one challenge after another. Right when I think, ok ... a lot has happened now it's going to level off ... something else gets thrown around. I have had constant struggles this year. Every month, something new. And I have tried desperately hard to keep my cool. Yes I have had my break downs, but I have picked myself back up and kept going. I have maintained my composure more than I ever have in my entire life. I've bottled stuff up, turned the other cheek, kept my cool and tried to keep the waters calm. And look how well that's worked out for me. I love it when people tell me how blunt I am and I "speak what's on my mind" if they only knew how much I held back.

This is not a bitch session. This is me laying it all out on the table. This is me finally standing up and saying the things that I need to say. So if you don't want to hear it, stop reading. I have decided that my mouth will be shut no more.

Most of the issues I'm having are caused by myself. Self inflicted. I can honestly admit that. I have been lazy about getting a hold of some of my friends. I can throw out a million excuses why ... work is busy (which is true) I have a busy toddler (which is true) I have projects I do outside of work (also true) I have a husband who works a horrible swing shift so I pull a lot of weight at home (true) I have a ton of friends and family who I try to keep up with (........true.........) but, like I said excuses. Yes ... I need to make more of an effort. Admittedly so. And having it brought to my attention that I haven't been is good. Sometimes you need a slap in the face to make you realize that you've been a dolt. Moving on.

The other thing that is my fault is I'm way to accessible. Facebook, twitter, phone whatever, I'm constantly in contact ... which most of the time is good, but can get to be a real pain the ass. Where work is concerned, I'm officially cutting off communication via phone and online. Part of my commission that gets taken out of my pay, is to pay the receptionist at work. I know people prefer to talk to me and I'm flattered, but the girls who work at Medusa's are paid to take calls and help clients too. From this moment on, that's just what will happen. Someone will text me in the middle of a work day asking about an appointment, I get busy and forget to text back and they get upset. Deservedly so, but case in point, that's what the receptionist is for. As to clear up confusion and save myself time and trouble, no more. Call the salon. Thank you.

Time. There is never enough of it. Never. And I know everyone has this problem. My schedule has changed at work and I'm still adjusting to it. I fill up my days off doing everything but what I should be doing. Some things I love. Having lunch with friends or family, running errands etc. But I end up doing "favors" for everyone and I'm left with absolutely no time to get anything else done. I never have time to myself. Spread ... to ... thin. Again, I have done this to myself, but every time I turn someone down I get "But I never get to see you" "But it's your day off" Sigh.

I am so incredibly blessed to have a lot of good friends who care about me and want to spend time with me. That I could never complain about. But omg there aren't enough hours for me to see everyone. Between my job, my kid, sleeping, eating, running errands and cleaning my house I try to find time to see all the people I care about. Family and several sets of friends. There is no balance. Someone is always left out, someone is always being second fiddle. Someone is always upset. What to do? If I spent two hours a week with every friend I have, I would never get anything else done.

I know some of my friends are reading this right now thinking "But you spend more time with _____ than you do me" Yes, I understand that. Like I explained in my first paragraph, I realize that I've been a lousy friend to some of my friends and overly giving to others. I go where life leads me. I cannot make everyone happy.

I'm having quite the year of testing. I started off my year with a surprise pregnancy, that ended in a surprise miscarriage. Liam getting the stomach flu, me getting the stomach flu, surviving the ice storm, my husband acquiring a horrible swing shift, major changes at work, coming to terms with my weight and actually doing something about it, making new friends, losing old friends, taking on a lot of extra projects, a toddler who has my free will, and more. Again ... excuses? Yes. But nonetheless my life is CRAZY! But you know what, I love my crazy life.

I'm more successful in my business now that I ever have been. I'm a great hair stylist. I don't usually say that out loud that often because I don't like to brag or boast. But dammit I'm allowed to say it sometimes. I work my ass off. I bend over backwards for my clients. My clients NEVER know when my life sucks. They never know when I'm cramping and bloated, tired and irritable. You know why? Because I value and cherish my job. So much so that sometimes I go home at the end of the day and I'm drained. But I love it. I love my husband and my son. They are the two most important men in my life and when I can spend time with them I do. I get the opportunity sometimes to do hair and makeup for The Roxy Studio and on occasion the Terre Haute Living Magazine. I help friends out on the side. I absolutely love spending time with my friends. I adore my family and thoroughly enjoy my time with them.

So what to do what to do. Bitch moan bitch moan bitch moan. I just can't do that anymore. I just can't. I can't please everyone. I want to be everything that everyone wants me to be. But you know what I am. ME. That's all I can be. I can't really make any apologies. I believe life takes you on paths and you follow the one that best fits you. I don't devalue any of my friendships or past endeavors. All I can do is embrace what journey my life is taking me on now.

I have had a lot of things brought to my attention, which is good, since I have been blind sided. I will work on mending my friendships with people. I will work on saying no more even if it makes people mad. I will work on keeping the lines of communication open. But in everything I do, I will remain true to myself, which I have strayed from. I am what I am. No apologies.

Uplifting

I've gotten pretty bad about remembering to write on my blog. Life has seriously been sooooo busy!! Life is zipping by these days! It's hard to realize which end is up. But I'm loving the crazy way life is taking me right now.

Liam: testing testing testing. That boy knows exactly what he is doing. Terrible two's are upon us, but Josh and I are tackling it in a different way these days. We are finding that if we calmly talk to him and just let him do his thing and have his fit that it's defused much quicker. He is still an amazing kid and to hear him talk and interact and make things up is absolutely amazing.

Josh: storm season is here which means it's the "where's waldo" season. As if Joshy doesn't work enough of a crazy mixed up schedule, he is on call 24 hours a day and they've exercised that right often. But I don't complain. He loves his job and he does it very well. He's enjoying riding his motorcycle more and I'm glad he will be able to given that gas is over $4. Driving too and from Plainfield will be easier if he can take the bike every once in a while.

Work. BUSY ... BUSY .. B U S Y!! Since Amy left things sky rocketed. I was busy before with just my clients, but taking on Amy and sometimes Neils overflow can just get down right nuts!! But I remember right after I graduated beauty school and I was excited to just have one client a day. Now I'm fitting clients inside other appointments, staying late, coming in early. Just nuts. But I do love it. I'm so lucky that I love my job and the more I work the more confident I get, the better work I do, the happier my clients are! Win win!!

Friends: Wow, are we amazingly blessed with the friends we have. The Allen's are happily expecting their second (and last) baby. We are thrilled. It's going to be a huge change since our families live so synonymously. But they want this badly and we are so glad that we will be there with them on this journey. :) I am so excited that I have a growing friendship with Samantha (from the Roxy Studio) I love to surround myself with people who are talented, motivated and positive. This woman is the definition of all these things. We are hanging out more and more and when we get together I feel like she has pushed and motivated me. She has taken pictures of me and my family and I wouldn't trust anyone else to do so. I almost wish Josh and I could have another wedding just so she could do the pictures :) Jimmy and I still hang out a talk a lot even though we don't work together anymore. He is so awesome. He is one of those friends you know you can call in the middle of the night and he will be there for you. He and I are planning a trip next fall to Florida to celebrate turning 30, which we both will turn within two months of each other ... NEXT year. lol. Nikki is awesome. Her kids are beautiful. I can't believe that Gabe is almost 5 months old! How time flies. It's suppose to be our 10 year high school reunion this summer. I couldn't care less to go really. The fact that, if no one else, I still keep in contact with her is enough for me :)

As for everyone and everything else things are great. I'm still working out with my trainer. I had about 2-3 weeks there where I completely fell off the wagon, but I'm back on now and more motivated than ever!! The more I go work out the better I feel! I can honestly say I'm hooked on working out! I'm looking forward to this summer. I love meeting up with friends at the park, Like Ellie and Hadley, the Allens, whoever!! I have some amazing people in my life and I'm thrilled to take this journey with them!!

Warp speed!!

Holy crap!! I know I wrote about this earlier but man have I been B U S Y!! It's wonderful really. I'm don't wan to complain. But damn!! Tomorrow is a JAM PACKED day. I'm doing a wedding party and I'm starting an hour earlier than most days. Then three more clients after that one jammed into the other. I think about where I was six years ago and it amazes me how far I've come.

I consider myself very dedicated to my job. I study, research, learn from mistakes, learn other techniques, update myself, change my views. I know I still have things to learn. In this industry you always do. But there are something that I struggle to learn. I have not yet figured out how to accept certain things. When a client leaves and goes somewhere else, I hate that a part of me feels hurt. I have always said and I truly always believe that I'm not everyones taste. I'm not perfect in any way, shape or form. But I sit back and wonder ... more so drive myself crazy, trying to figure out what I did to make them want to leave. Was it my personality? Was it the way I did their hair? Was it the actual salon they didn't like? What? I should just let it go. Accept it and move on, but a part of me can't. When I see a former client out and about I almost want to say, "What gives?" Now don't get me wrong, I never would. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. But a part of me really wants to know. Mainly because if I did something or said something wrong I want to fix it. Did I say something offensive? Did I truly jack up their hair? Is it even me? It's the wondering that makes me crazy.

Now to counter that, I have MANY MANY wonderful amazing clients who are highly dedicated and come to me faithful. I am in no way under playing what these clients mean to me. I cannot express in words how I feel about these people. It's not about the money, although I am happy that I have a job I love that pays the bills. It's about the fact that I have made some amazing connections with people in my time doing hair. I have seem women change the way they see themselves. People open up about things they never would. And I've grown too. This job has allowed me to express myself and grow my confidence in not only my abilities, but myself as well. I'm so happy that I get to do this every day :)

Wowwy wow wow

Holy crap am I BUSY!!! As I said before Amy is gone now at work. It's just Neil and I. We are so so busy. Yes this is a very good thing and I don't want to sound ungrateful, but it's a hard balance. It's hard to keep everyone happy. There are the clients who book their appointments way in advance and get everything set. Then there are the clients that wait until the last minute to get in. Either way, if I have the space open on my book it's all yours. The hard thing is that I've always been able to squeeze people in, and yes occasionally I still can. But for the most part my clients have got to start booking their appointments in advance if they are specific about when they want to get in.

The work outs are going well. Chad KILLED me this past Monday, which is good but it's almost three days later and my calves are still on fire!! I got on the treadmill tonight to work them out a little more and that helped. Of course it hasn't stopped me from wearing my heels. I mean come on! But I'm thinking of caving in and taking a zumba class at the fitness center. I miss dancing so much and I know at 28 there is nothing I can do with dancing so zumba just seems like fun. I do dance kinect at home and that's great but I need to DANCE. I wish there were places to dance in Terre Haute besides the Bally. But alas there is not. I have thought about making a trip to Indy with my friend Lori to the Vogue simply so I can dance. I'm one of the few women who like to go out to dance not to get attention but to simply cut lose!!!

Liam seems to be leveling out a little on his tantrums (knock on wood) I understand he is two and he is going to be moody. Totally understandable but sometimes he is down right hateful! But they don't know how to vocalize frustration so they just scream instead. The night terrors appear to be somewhat dwindling. We had three nights of uninterrupted sleep and that was glorious. Here is hoping.

I'm so completely elated that spring is in full effect. The sunshine is much needed and I'm thoroughly enjoying it. I want to be outside every day. I love taking Liam to the park and breathing in the fresh air. Josh is enjoying having his motorcycle out again. He loves it. I always feel like it's a new beginning.

Catching Up

Hello all. Things are going pretty well for the Andreas family right now. Josh is still trying to adjust to his new schedule at work. The overnight shifts are particularly tough on him, as well as us. Liam doesn't like going to bed without giving daddy goodnight kisses. But it's a good step in the right direction with his job. Liam is still waking up in the middle of the night crying. I think this is the hardest thing we have ever dealt with. He usually doesn't give us any trouble outside of typical two year old stuff. But this waking up four or five times a night is really getting old. I know it's (hopefully) a phase and we will look back on this and think it was no big deal, but it's so frustrating. I get so upset because I know if he could get a full nights sleep that he would feel so much better and be in a better mood throughout the day. Some nights he will only get up once around an hour after he goes to bed and he is in such a good mood the next day. But most nights he's up at least four three times and he's grumpy the next morning. Sigh ... this too shall pass.

Work is sooooo busy!!! Amy is gone and now it's just Neil and I. It's hard trying to accommodate all of your own clients and taking on Amy's clients. I have better luck getting clients in during the day but most people work during the day. It's hard to convince people that they should book their next four or five appointments but really it's for their own benefit. I'm not in a position anymore to squeeze people in here and there. As much as I would love to, what's there is what's there. I have a very hard time saying no, but I'm learning that I have to.

I'm starting to get spring cleaning fever really bad. I going to try to pick a project a week to work on. Go through the house room by room, really clean, organize and de-clutter everything. I desperately want to repaint Liam's room, the bathroom and our back living room. I hope by the time my vacation comes up in June I can save up enough to paint them and get some other accessories. All I can say is yay for yard sale season :)

I'm having my makeup and hair parties at the beginning of May and I'm really looking forward to them :) I'm excited to having some of my clients over and teach them new things. But I generally just like throwing a party. I am trying to put a small menu together and drinks but mainly I have to get my house organized. I hope everyone that's coming will have a great time!