Newness

Have you ever hit that point in your life where you felt like you've sat still for too long? That you've done the same thing over and over and it's just not working anymore? That's kind of how I've been feeling. Highly desiring something new and fresh. Just certain things. Not my whole life. I've started making small changes in my life, little things that I actually have control over. That's basically decided what my problem has been. Control. Or lack there of I should say. I have always been a control freak. When I don't get my way I tend to get over emotional. I take things personally, freak out, get pisses etc. And lately I've been trying very hard to remedy this. I've had to start changing little things. Like really considering things I say before I say them. Like it or not, once you say something you can't take it back. It's out there. Especially if you're writing it, like on here, facebook, email etc. So I've not been posting that much online. Just some pictures, the occasional Liam story, whatever. I try to only check facebook once or twice a day instead of every half hour like I use to. Basically I'm trying to limit my social media a little bit so I don't read into things wrong and let it rule my mood.

In other attempts to overcome my control issues, I've been trying new things. New foods, new workouts, reading new websites, stuff like that. Just trying to expose myself to fresh new things hoping it will spark some new interests. My trainer has been switching up my workouts which has really helped. I've been getting to the gym more often so I can really push myself on the elliptical. The harder I push myself the better I feel. I'm starting to feel the changes in my body, stamina, energy. It's wonderful. Feeling this I'm starting to become more health conscious about other things. Portion control is my big one. Don't put so much on your plate, then you won't feel like you have to eat it.

I'm starting to feel a change in myself, starting to feel better, more like myself again. I'm feeling that happy positive me again and it makes me crave for more. I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing and see where it takes me. All I know is I feel better than I have in a long time.

Bring it

Holy cow ... 2011 isn't letting up one bit! I think I've officially just learned to roll with it. Nothing bad really, just hoop after hoop to jump through.

I just got off of a week of vacation. It was wonderful and much needed. I piddled around, went to Indy to visit my friend Lori, to Bloomington to see our friends Jon and Amy and their new baby Alex, worked Girls Night Out with Samantha and basically did some fun things that I've been wanting to do. Hung out with friends, cleaned, slept, did nothing. It was awesome. It was nice to get a mental break, which is most of what my job demands. I love my job don't get me wrong and I'm very happy to be going back tomorrow, but it does get mentally exhausting sometimes. There are times when I just don't have any energy left at the end of the day. The negativity is sometimes very contagious. But I feel rested and revitalized.

We still have our ups and downs with Liam. Don't get me wrong he is a fabulous kid. Some of the things he says absolutely slay me. Very witty and funny. But wow can that boy have some mood swings. It's the 0-60 that bothers me. How you can be talking to him rationally and then bam he's screaming. Very odd. But on a positive note, potty training is finally going AWESOME!! He's only had 2 accidents in 8 days :) Happy happy joy joy!! I thought this day would never come. And OMG he will be 3 in 5 weeks. Blows ... my ... mind.

I feel like this is a year of self discovery. I have said that before, but it becomes more and more evident as the year rolls on. We are very close to being half way through the year and as I look back over the months I realize that I'm constantly being put to the test in almost all areas of my life. Whereas before it scared me, intimidated me, made me nervous, made me question myself. Now I'm becoming more at ease with it. It seems as though the more obstacles that are thrown my way, the more I find out about myself and I'm liking it.

I don't have to review all the things I've been through this year, I've named them before. Whereas each one of these things has sent me into some kind of break down, they have also made me take a good hard look at myself. I've had to figure out what I really want and what I have. Even though things don't always go my way, I'm very glad with the way things have gone.

I have some amazing people in my life. Each person plays a different role. Whether I see friends once a week or once a year, that doesn't diminish the weight of the friendship. I have friends that I mainly only talk to through texting and these friends are as important to me as the ones I see weekly. That's what helps pull me through.

So to the second half of 2011 I say ... BRING IT!! What hasn't killed me so far has only made me stronger.